Tomorrow, we finally find out treatment options......

Jeremiah 32:17

‘Ah, Lord God! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you."
 
This scripture has been everywhere lately!  In one of my recent posts, in devotions, from friends, in stores.... I love the reminder.

Late this past week, I had the privilege to spend time in prayer with some amazing women.  I can't think of a better way to prepare for a time like Monday than on our faces in prayer, crying out to God and asking (begging and pleading was there as well) for healing in Amanda.  Ultimately, the prayer was that His will be done in Amanda's life.

I find myself feeling like we did back in the beginning.  Knowing we are facing something harder than we ever imagined, but not sure what that looks like yet, while at the same time, trying to live and enjoy each moment.  It is a surreal position to be in.

Remember the early days? This was written in March, 2013.
Up until this point, Amanda knows that she had a spot on her brain that didn't belong so we had to do surgery to try and remove it and find out what it is. Since we don't know what the pathology results are, we haven't gone into any additional detail with her yet about the road ahead until today. What we have said is that we are waiting to hear from the doctors about the test results, but nothing more. Oh, what heartbreak as a parent to have to explain that there is still some of the spot there and that we are still waiting to see how best to try and get rid of it.

We have a very smart child that processes and works through the details in her mind. She was angry with us, and heartbroken, and scared. She talked, cried and yelled through the whole process. What pain and loss we felt as parents as we had to sit by and allow her to work through it and there was nothing we could do to make it any easier. Thankfully, she didn't shut us out, but allowed us to walk that path with her. Talk about pain and exhaustion.

True to Amanda form, after she worked through it, her sweet personality slowly reemerged and it was back to kittens vs lap dogs. Oh, how I pray that as we travel down the unknown path before us, it will be this ability that will give her the courage and strength she will need to face the obstacles before her.

How honored I feel to have been given this child and I trust that God will equip Thomas, Brandon and I to do all we can to support and encourage Amanda during these upcoming days and weeks.

Those days of not knowing were so challenging.  We had no idea what we were actually up against.  Today, we know all too well what we are facing.  Hindsight, I almost wish we could go back to those days just so that I know we would have these past amazing, yet challenging, sixteen months before us to enjoy together as a family.  Today, I have not idea what tomorrow, much less the next sixteen months will look like.  

We had a family meeting yesterday to discuss tomorrow's appointment to answer questions and try to prepare us for what may come.  According to our medical team, taking what they have said and putting it in my own words, it seems that we are up against an almost impossible battle.  I am not in denial, but I refuse to believe that at this point.  (See scripture above. And never underestimate hope.)

Amanda has an amazing, strong, fighting spirit in her.  She is ready to fight this next round.  While we have no idea what that really looks like or honestly if it is even possible, I admire that God has given her the desire to stand up against something this big and refuse to back down.

I am standing firm on my foundation.  The waves are crashing, the wind is whipping around me with such a fierce force that I worry I will be swept away.  My hold feels very weak at times, but I have confidence that I won't lose my footing.  I will continue to stand firm and cling to God's promises.  He is my only hope.

Whatever tomorrow brings, He already knows what it holds and He goes before us, preparing the way.  We will depend on Him for our strength and courage in the moments as we sit with our team and discuss options and make decisions.   And will give Him glory as we continue down this path.

Please pray for our team at Dell as they look for possible treatment options.

Please, please, pray for our family tomorrow.  All four of us.  We each carry our own fears and weaknesses, and yet, as a team, we are stronger together.  We have the foundation of Christ holding us together and we stand together on the promise that He will never leave us or forsake us.  What better way to face a challenge?
 
Romans 8 - various verses
26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. ²⁷ And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. ²⁸ And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

 ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.