Grace and ROCK

Some more fun pictures of my day with ROCK and Grace:

Helping Paint the Cake Walk for the Christmas Party that was held last weekend.

The kids were ready and willing to help out doing whatever was needed.

Cleaning/weeding the area around the veterans' plaques on the Heroes Trail.

On the way out to get Romeo, I got to meet this special guy.  He is a Percheron.  Not only is he HUGE, he is incredibly sweet. 

And then there is my sweet girl's Romeo.  He is wearing the halter Amanda had made for him.  We surprised Amanda with a leather bracelet with a matching plaque.  My goodness, how she loved this horse.

Now it's time to play!

Couldn't leave without the kids meeting the gentle giant Goliath.

I'm still processing this past week and the fact that our first holiday without Amanda is behind us.  Post to come soon on how our week went...

When my worlds intersected, Olaf and glass blowing.....

As one might expect, on a Friday before a week-long holiday break, the feelings should be a mix of anticipation and joy.  For me, it was a jumbled blend of both anticipation, joy and dread.

Friday morning, once in the office and settled in for the day, I was trying to stay focused on getting my tasks done.  Unbeknownst to me, there was a special presentation planned that day by our grammar students in PE class performing with rhythm sticks.  That may sound innocent enough, but two years ago, it was during that same performance when we realized that something was definitely “off” with Amanda.  She was unable to keep a rhythm and her balance was terrible.  The year Amanda was in third grade, her rhythm performance was done in January and within a week of that performance, we were in Dell.  

Can you say “trigger”?  So I sat at my desk, finding myself once again battling the waves of tears, heartbreak and memories.  

To add to my day, that afternoon, our Rhetoric students were taking part in community service projects and I had planned on participating in one of them.  Our Junior and Senior students were going to volunteer at ROCK and I was excited to go with them.  My two favorite places, coming together and working alongside each other.  After the emotion of the morning, I wasn’t sure I could make it.  I was afraid being at ROCK would only make things harder and stir up more pain.  

 

After leaving campus and getting some distance between me and the memories, I was ready to go to ROCK.  Here is the thing – Amanda was so happy there.  While she was there, she was full of joy and peace no matter how bad she felt.  If she was on the back of the horse and you asked how she was feeling, her answer would be “I’m on a horse, I’m fine.”  And it wasn't only the horses at ROCK, it is the people and the way that they became part of our family.  I have found that simply being out there, with the amazing people and those beautiful horses brings me comfort and good memories.  While sometimes those memories are hard – the remembrance of her contagious smile and laughter usually beat out the pain.  Those horses are healing for me…just as they were for her.   

When our fabulous junior and seniors arrived to help with cleaning, sweeping and straightening up wherever was needed, I returned to ROCK with my camera.  (More pictures to follow in the next post...) The joy and peace that I feel while I am there is therapeutic.  Then there is Romeo.  She loved that horse so incredibly much it is like a piece of her is still with him.  I was so excited for the students to meet our Romeo.  After all the work was done – they had the special opportunity to paint him!  It was so much fun to watching them and it brought back those sweet memories of Amanda doing the same thing just a few months earlier.

Grace Academy and ROCK

So after the emotional day, I went in to an evening battling more emotions.  We had a faculty/staff ladies party where we were going to watch the movie Elf.  Amanda loved that movie and she watched it year round.  I was really concerned that would be the piece that pushed me over the edge after the day it had been, but with good friends and lots of laughter, I was able to watch it and remember her sweet joy and simply enjoy the movie.  

Saturday was a different story.  Saturday was my annual Christmas shopping day with my mom and sisters.  We have done this for as long as I can remember since having kids.   I knew this year would be hard…..difficult…..heartbreaking…raw and painful.  And while it was all those things, I sort of went into a “numb” mode and did my best to shut down my emotions.  To be honest, I didn’t get much Christmas shopping done.   The reality of only shopping for one was too much to face, so I didn’t face it.   I tried to enjoy the day with my sisters and mom and simply shopped.  I guess you could call that "ignoring the reality," but whatever it takes to get me through those hard days is sometimes worth it.....well, that and some Olaf love......

Brandon spent the weekend with Tom’s parents, so Tom and I got up Sunday morning and went to church before heading to Temple.   Something about Sunday made the day extremely difficult.  Fighting tears through worship, I prayed that I would be able to look past the heartbreak and enjoy the coming week to the fullest.  But for some reason, on Sunday, the overwhelming feeling of missing her was so strong that I found it hard to breath.  Some days are simply harder than others.

That afternoon, the boys stayed in Temple and the Watson ladies went on an exciting afternoon adventure.  We went to blow glass Christmas ornaments together in Salado.  If you have never tried glass blowing, I highly recommend it.  It was a unique and satisfying experience.  Once you complete your ornament,  you look at it and think, “Wow, I did that!”   Then, you have something to keep that you had a part in creating.  I will always cherish the ornament and I plan to keep it out all year round as a beautiful memento of not only that day, but also of this part of our journey.

I love these women and am blessed to call them friends as well as family.

Okay, so all I really did is stand there and blow through my little straw.  But hey, the beauty it produces is impressive!

It's that little green ball on the table, but when it cools, it won't look anything like that.....that is both strange and slightly frightening...

So as we enter this week of Thanksgiving and time spent with family, my heart will only be partially there.  As I look back at where we were last year, it is hard to believe we are where we are today.  Not just heartbreaking – but almost unbelievable.  I spoke with my counselor last week and basically said this, “I am not in denial.  I know she is gone.  But there is still part of me that has a hard time believing the harsh reality that she really is gone."  My memories of her are so vivid, it is as if it was yesterday she was just here.  While I am so incredibly thankful for those memories – her laugh, smile, hilarious facial expressions, compassion, temper, joy, affection – at the same time, they have the power to completely take me to my knees.  I miss her so much.

The thought of Amanda not being with us during the holidays is almost too hard to really accept, so I will do it with much prayer, preparation and asking for God’s mercy to carry me through this difficult and challenging time.   A friend recently sent me Jeremy Camp's song, "He Knows."  The lyrics are below and they beautifully express why and how our God is able to meet us right where we are.

I am thankful for the blessings God has poured into my life.  I am thankful for the beautiful children God gave me.  I am thankful for a Godly, loving husband that leads my family with strength and dignity.  I am thankful for the families that we were born in to; for our parents, our siblings, the spouses our siblings chose and for their children.  I am thankful for my network of unbelievable friends. We are incredibly, tremendously, overwhelmingly blessed.  Even with the heartbreak our family has faced caused by this sinful world, there is nothing that can diminish the simple and all-encompassing gratitude to God for the blessings in my life.

May you had a blessed holiday and please, give thanks to the One who is responsible for all that we have and may you live each day to glorify Him.

He KnowsAll the bitter weary ways
endless striving day by day
you barely have the strength to pray
in the valley low

how hard your fight has been
how deep the pain within
wounds that no one else has seen
hurts too much to show

all the doubt you're standing in between
And all the weight that brings you to your knees

HE KNOWS, HE KNOWS
EVERY HURT AND EVERY STING
HE HAS WALKED THE SUFFERING
HE KNOWS, HE KNOWS
LET YOUR BURDENS COME UNDONE
LIFT YOUR EYES UP TO THE ONE
WHO KNOWS
HE KNOWS

we may faint and we may sink
feel the pain and near the brink
but the dark begins to shrink
when you find the one who knows

the chains of doubt that held you in between
one by one are starting to break free

every time that you feel forsaken
every time that you feel alone
He is near to the broken hearted
every tear
He knows…

Grief Bites

When grief comes into your life, (whether it is the death of a loved one, or adultery, divorce, illness, or any other loss) it is as though someone handed you an unworked scattered puzzle.

It is very important that you work out your grief in your own way, in your own time, and feel what you need to feel. You need not worry if someone else approves of how you grieve. Grief is a puzzle that must be completed by you and God together.

When we throw the puzzle incompletely together for the sake of someone else for their approval, or we put on a "happy face"...we cheapen and dishonor our personal grief experience...and we shortchange God by what He plans to do through our grief experience. 

It also makes grief worse in the long run.

Honorably work out your puzzle (grief) in your own individual unique way. As long as you are not disobeying God or harming another person or yourself, you are honorably working out your grief. Grief is not meant to be a one-size-fits-all-cookie-cutter experience. Embrace your heartache and work your grief out...learning as much as you can along the way.

If you become severely stuck while working through the puzzle of grief, you may need to consider talking with a trusted pastor or Christian counselor who may see a better way to make the pieces fit. Never give up on working out your grief. Stay the course until the puzzle of grief is completed. There IS hope!

God wants to give you HOPE and a good FUTURE. As you ask God to help you with your puzzle pieces in life, and seek Him with all your heart, you will find Him and His great plans He has in store for you.
-Grief Bites

This was posted by a dear friend on Facebook earlier this week and I found it to be an encouragement.  This week has been extremely challenging for me.  I am physically and emotionally worn out.  I feel like I am in a tailspin of juggling "life" while trying to find time for myself to simply be still.  It is a crazy balancing act, and to top it off, I'm not sleeping well.  So if we happen to cross paths and I seem distracted or distant, please don't take it personally!!

So as I continue to look at my "puzzle" of a life, I am looking to next week with heaviness of heart.  I have so much to be thankful for yet the grief is an amazing competitor with thankfulness.

As I looked back at last year's post about this time, we were celebrating the Wish Granted party, busy at ROCK, starting cycle six of chemo, and soaking up family time as much as possible. I love my families, but the dread of being with them without Amanda is becoming more real as the time approaches and I am not looking forward to the reality of it.  I know that every first from this day forward will continue to be painful, but this first year of holidays without her is almost overwhelming.  I'd like to clarify that I'm not sure if my boys are struggling as much as I am, so I can only speak for myself. 

From last year's Thanksgiving post.  It seems even last year I was struggling with living in the moment:
I went in to the Thanksgiving week thinking how easy it was going to be for me to show thanks.  That it would just pour out of me with every breath and that I would celebrate and enjoy every moment with family.  Unfortunately, instead of the week I was expecting, I found myself struggling to stay focused on the here and now and not worrying about the future.   For some reason, I have found that during the holidays, that is harder for me to do.

Every day is a challenge, a blessing and an opportunity.

As I sit here, typing this, my amazing son is sitting across from me memorizing James.  I am sitting in front of a warm fire, with Ginger napping close by.  Tom just left for Bible study.  My life is so full of blessings that even with my grief, those blessings make my heart full and thankful.

One year later, every day continues to be a challenge, a blessing and an opportunity.  May I find that I will feel His joy and peace in the upcoming week as we enter into another experience of "firsts" without Amanda.

Psalm 95:1-2
Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!

Sharing our story....

Early in this journey, I felt that we would tell our story, long after whatever fight with cancer we faced was over.  I had imagined it to be years down the road, or even after Amanda was in remission.  Never thought we would be considering that so soon.........

God's timing is always perfect.

Yesterday, for the first time, Tom and I shared our story.  Out loud.  With words.  In front of people.

Why would we do this?  Why would we put ourselves through the pain of reliving the journey over and over?  It's a way that we can continue to honor God in our journey, while at the same time, honor Amanda's memory.  We are never going to stop talking about her, we are never going to forget her and we would always keep her a part of our hearts.  Speaking and sharing with others will help that be a reality for me.  

But when was the right time to make that kind of choice?  I was wondering if it was something that I should start putting out there, looking for opportunities?  Grief is a strong and powerful force that you have no control over and I was struggling.   After prayer and counsel, I decided that I would not do any other searching.   So I would go back to work at Grace, walk the painful path of grief and death of a child and try to learn how to live again.   We would wait for God to make it clear and obvious what the next step should be.

After making that decision and honestly being able to forget about it and move forward, less than two weeks later we were invited to speak at Elm Grove Baptist Church in Belton.

God opened the door and we walked through it. 

I have always enjoyed speaking in front of groups.  When we were at Lawler, I enjoyed leading the ladies' bible study and teaching.  At Grace, I enjoyed being a part of the various events that required me to speak in front of a crowd.  I have to admit, however, it is very heartbreaking that this has become the platform for my love of speaking.  Completely and totally heartbreaking.

But this is where God has led us.  Which got me thinking it's a good thing I am not in charge of my life.  I would have chosen a very different path for our family.  We would be together, healthy, traveling to Africa for mission trips.  Both kids would grow up, marry Christian spouses and bless us with many grandchildren.  Tom and I would grow old together.  So how can I look at my imaginary picture perfect life and handle the life I am now living?  The hard truth is - I can't.

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

So where does that leave me?  Hurting. Grieving.  Missing my daughter.  Missing a part of me.  Yet, somehow even in that, I can see God's grace.  Our experiences and trials are not in vain.  Our pain is not wasted.  If God gives us the opportunity to use what we have gone through to touch others and provide comfort and hope, that actually provides me with comfort.  Right now, that comfort feels small - but it is there.  And that gives me hope.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

A good day!! But only after days of grief.....

I've noticed I often blog when I have those knock-down grief experiences.  Those moments that take me to my knees without me even seeing it coming. But I do have good days.

Yesterday was a good day. The office was full of joy, it was a beautiful day with the arrival of cold weather, I had a productive counseling session.  It was simply an all around good day....

....and then here comes the grief sneaking in again.  Today was a bit harder than yesterday, but not as bad as this past weekend.

The weekend going into Monday was excruciatingly painful and heartbreaking.  It all started on Saturday. We were eating lunch and Tom asked a innocent question about why we have an afghan on a chair that we never use.  That started the conversation among us leading to the fact that it was probably something that Brandon wouldn't want....so why do we have it?  And just like that - the wind was knocked out of me.  It hit me like a freight train that I don't have a daughter to pass things down to.  I have dishes, jewelry and linens that were my mother's and grandmother's. I cherish them and have special memories of them and the ladies that gave them to me.  The pain of realizing I no longer have a daughter to save all that for and have the joy of passing it down to another generation was unexpected. We preserved my wedding dress in case one day we had a daughter and she wanted to use it. I bought birthstone jewelry for each child so that it could be passed down to them when they got older. 

(Amanda used to love to go to my jewelry box and ask to see her "birth-ring".  She couldn't wait until she was old enough to wear it.)

Saturday, the realizations just kept coming like tidal waves of all those things I would miss out on with Amanda and I couldn't stop the tears. I sobbed at the sink, I sobbed clearing the table, I even just collapsed and sobbed on my laundry room floor because it hurt so bad.  My heart was breaking all over again and there is no way to heal it.  So I cried until I couldn't cry anymore.  That grief stayed with me through the next two days.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23

I've said this before, but I am amazed at how many aspects of the mother-daughter relationship there is that I have lost, and it seems to be still slowly hitting me as the days go by.  My mom is one of my absolute best friends.  To say that I am crushed that I won't to get to experience that with Amanda goes way beyond heartbreaking....

I know that the ten years we had with her were a gift.  She told us not to be sad, but rejoice because she was going to heaven.  But that doesn't make her absence here any less heartbreaking or at times easy to accept.  I'm simply thankful I have that truth to hold on to and I know that I will spend eternity with her.  I'm almost to the point that I can sometimes break through the grief with that truth, but I'm not fully there yet.

Isaiah 55:8-9

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

The crazy part of all this is the continued realization that grief is never really over.  It is made up of layers and you never know when that next layer will be painfully ripped off.  It's a life-long process that I think it is something I will learn to "manage," but I know it will never truly go away. There will never be a day without thinking about her and the fact that she is not with us and all we are missing because of that.....

At this time last year we already had the Christmas tree up and Christmas music playing.  Amanda loved Christmas.  I dread the next two months.  The holidays are already hurting me.  Walking through Hobby Lobby brings me to tears.  I find myself looking at items and thinking what a great chemo gift it would make (how long ago has that been?!) or seeing something that would be a great Christmas stocking stuffer and find myself planning on what gifts to buy the kids. We haven't even hit Thanksgiving and yet Christmas is tearing me apart.  I have always loved to buy gifts for my family at Christmas.  It's just "one of my things."  

I am praying for Brandon's heart during this season.  I will often be a wreck, but it is my hope that for him, I can celebrate when the time comes.  I work hard at balancing my grief from being something that he sees and allowing him to comfort me, to something that I do privately to allow myself to really be able to just let it all out.  Sometimes, those ugly, heartbreaking, wailing, gut-wrenching moments can conquer grief better than anything else can.

So as I close this day, it is with anticipation, prayer and hope for a good day tomorrow.

After the past few days, I am thankful that we get to live one day at a time, new mercies every morning and that we can wake up knowing that He will give us what we need to face that day.

Psalm 118:24

This is the day that the Lord has made;  let us rejoice and be glad in it.

And so, we can just pour out the fullness of our heart, the burden of our spirit, the sorrow that crushes us, and know that He hears, He loves, He understands, He receives; and He separates from our prayer all that is imperfect, ignorant and wrong, and presents the rest, with the incense of the great High Priest, before the throne on high, and our prayer is heard, accepted and answered in His name.  A. B. Simpson

Just one year ago:

That smile takes my breath away....

Three months....feels like three years.....

Time has taken on a new dimension for me right now.   Three months.  November 6 marks three months since we last hugged, spoke, kissed, touched our daughter.  That doesn't seem possible.  Three years.....thirty.....the time seems to move so slow.

As I sat at my makeup table yesterday, realizing the day and wondering how it might impact the hours ahead, I opened my morning devotion.  The title of it was "The Greatest Pains."  Seriously?

So I read it.  I don't feel like a strong saint that can withstand the fires of heartache....but I am thankful for all His grace to withstand the trials we have faced.

"The most deeply taught Christians are generally those who have been brought into the searching fires of deep soul-anguish.  If you have been praying to know more of Christ, do not be surprised if He takes you aside into a desert place, or leads you into a furnace of pain." Streams in the Desert

"Every time we suffer loss, we have an opportunity for the loss to bring gain for Jesus sake by allowing His life to be revealed." Beth Moore

I want that.  Truly I do.  I want to be able to get up every day and glorify God in each step that I take.  I want to shine the love and light of Jesus.  But life is hard.  It hurts.  I miss Amanda more and more every day, and I often wonder each day how I am able to take that next step.  The crazy thing is, even in all that pain, God can still shine. 

When I feel like I am lost at sea, and more often than not I definitely feel tossed about, even lost among the waves, my anchor is solid and for that I am thankful.

 ^"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Life, compared to eternity, is short.  I know that.  The bible says it is like a vapor.  While right now it may feel like FOREVER, our life here on earth is truly short.  I can't imagine that when life stretches out in front of me and feels so long in those moments that I am missing Amanda.  We are, however, incredibly blessed with an amazing 13 year old son who is growing quicker than I would like and is becoming an amazing person.  I know I should be soaking up each moment in each day for just what it is because before I know it, Brandon will be grown and out of the house.  To say I am incredibly thankful for him would be an understatement.

 Life does go by so quickly, but without Amanda, at times it feels like it has hit the slow motion button....

Looking back to a year ago we were starting cycle five and I was so proud of how well Amanda was doing.  She was excelling in physical therapy and just exploding with her love for ROCK and those horses.  I don't think I took for granted my time with Amanda, because when I look back and read the posts, I know that I was soaking up each moment with her.   Perhaps that is what makes the reality of losing her so hard as daily it continues to sink in.  She and I were together 24/7 - constantly.  There were definitely those moments that she wanted dad over mom, he was her cuddler and hero while I was her comforter and security.  Our relationship as mother and daughter was incredibly unique.  There is not a single thing in my day that doesn't bring back memories of her.....

Each day I pray that I am finding the path before me that God has for my life.  At times, it feels like I am stumbling and groping around in the dark and barely finding my footing, but I still trust Him.  I trust His purposes and His ways.  I am confident that Amanda's life has touched many and God is not through with her story yet.  That doesn't make my pain any less and that doesn't make each day any easier, but I do have confidence in the sovereignty of my God and I can trust His plan to be good, even when I don't understand it......even when it hurts so bad.

This has been a hard week with work amping up as we prepare for very special guests on campus next week.....then combine that with the the three month mark since Amanda died and it has been the perfect storm.  Oh yeah, plus that storm blew in and gave me a head cold that made me feel just yucky.  What a week.  The amount of energy it takes simply being in the office always takes me by surprise, and then to be holding all the emotions at bay that this week caused only intensified the feeling of being sucked dry.... 

I can't say enough how much I adore and am thankful for my coworkers.  They love me, cry with me, inspire me and encourage me.  God has placed me right smack in the middle of that office for a purpose and a reason - and all for my own good.   They are gracious and kind, and a balm for my hurting heart.  Plus, I get to see Brandon throughout the day and that is a definite bonus!

So as this week comes to an end, with me pushing the days at work into overtime helping prepare, I am thankful for a quiet weekend at home.  My mind and body need some down time. 

I love looking back and remembering my fighter.   My beautiful, funny, strong-willed girl that could make me laugh and brighten my day with just her smile.  Thinking of her and Brandon and their relationship, while it breaks my heart, it also makes me so proud of them.  They were a beautiful pair.  So as I go into a weekend with the deliberate intention of resting and giving myself permission to just be still, I will try to remember those days full of laughter and smiles.  There will come a day that the laughter and joy come easier and quicker, and in an abundance....but for now, it's okay to continue to grieve and make my way down that lonely road.   For even though I may feel lonely, I am not alone.  That is a beautiful thing.

Psalm 62:1-2
For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.

A little walking down memory lane:

The December before she was diagnosed, we took a trapeze class together.  Isn't she beautiful?

These two spoiled that puppy rotten...

Oh yeah - she was shooting with her big brother!

Those days of silliness and laughter...

I adore these two..

I loved her goofiness...

I was so proud of her using that left arm!! This was November of last year.

The mighty hunters...

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful.

My guest blogger....she has forever touched my heart...

Today I am pleased to have a guest blogger.  Her name is Kirsten and I have been looking forward to sharing this post written by this special girl.... 

 

Hello,

     Today I am going to tell you about someone who was very important to me. Her name was Amanda Lee Watson and, she was almost eleven when her cancer sent her to heaven. She was my very best friend. I had known her since Kindergarten. I love her. She died August 6, 2014, and her birthday was September 9, 2014. As I said to one of my other friends, her soul was to beautiful for this sinful earth. 

     When we were in 3rd grade she had to leave she had to leave to have surgery to remove the tumor in her brain stem. She hoped to be able to come back in 4th grade, but she never did. She absolutely adored animals, especially dogs and horses.

     I remember one time Amanda came to my house to play and we agreed on a trade.  But at school when we were going to do the trade we changed our minds.  Another time, Amanda was reading  a book about life science.  I mentioned to her that my Grandma had been snoring louder.  She thought it might be because of Grandma's smoking.  So, Amanda and I wrote a pamphlet for my Grandma about why she should quit smoking.  Shortly after that, Grandma did quit smoking and hasn't started again.

     I loved being at Mo Ranch with Amanda.  We had fun looking for minnows and playing in the river.  She was so nice to my little brother, Preston, and didn't mind him playing with us.  We really liked going to the rapids and sliding.  We talked ALL the time and never ran out of things to say to each other.  The only time we spent time apart was to go to the restroom and sleep.

       I was really looking forward to having Amanda back in 5th grade.  The night my mom and dad told me that the doctors couldn't cure Amanda's cancer, I was VERY sad.  When I went to Slumber Falls, my church camp, Amanda was all I could think about.  Sometimes, I would forget for a few minutes, but then it came back to my mind.  I had my family group pray we would get the miracle I wanted.  

     After camp, my family went on vacation for 2 weeks.  The last time I got to see Amanda was before I went to camp when we stopped by their house to drop off a basket of crafts for her.  She introduced me to Mo, her guinea pig.  I didn't know that was the last time I would see her.  We took pictures as a family in our Team Watson shirts at the Grand Canyon and Four Corners.  

     We got back from vacation on Saturday night.  I was hoping to see Amanda the next week, but that never happened.  On Wednesday, I went to Hawaiian Falls, a water park, with my friend Abbey.  We spent the whole day playing.  When I got home that night, my parents told me Amanda was slipping away and would be in Heaven soon.  A couple of hours later, Mrs. Watson posted that Amanda was in Heaven.  I felt like that I had been hoping and praying that everything was going to be okay, but then it wasn't.  Preston drew me a picture to try to help me feel better.  My kitty, Gracie, jumped on the bed and stepped on my dad's face, which made me smile.

     Amanda's memorial service was 1.5 weeks later.  In the beginning, they showed pictures of Amanda from being a baby to the end.  It made me sad, but I liked seeing all the pictures of her.  I remember the whole Watson family coming into the church, especially Brandon, Amanda's brother, and Mrs. Watson, Amanda's mom.  I was so sad for them.  After the service, we waited in line to see Mr. Watson, Mrs. Watson and Brandon.  When I hugged Mr. Watson, he thanked me for being a good friend.  Then, I hugged Mrs. Watson.  I was nervous to see her because I didn't want to make her sad.  When we hugged, we both cried she also thanked me for being such a good friend to Amanda.  

     During the service, the pastor talked about the day Amanda went to Heaven.  She told her dad that she saw gates and 2 books, The Bible and The Lamb's Book of Life, and the green grapes.  I know she is in Heaven because of what she told her dad.

     On September 9th, Amanda's 11th birthday, a bench was dedicated to Amanda at our school.  They planted 2 Crepe Myrtle Trees by the bench because Amanda like them.  We also released red balloons with messages to Amanda.  That afternoon in class, Mr Watson, Mrs. Watson, and Brandon came to our class and we had cookie cake and told funny stories about Amanda.

     I still miss her everyday.  I know I will see her again one day.  

 

 

I have learned so much from children during this journey.  God places people in our lives for a purpose.  This sweet friendship makes me pause and look at my own life and friendships.  I hope that I am half as loyal and compassionate to my friends as Kirsten was to my girl.... 

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times...