I am about to share some information that is so hard to type out it physically hurts to do so. As I type it, however, I am reminded that the fight is not over. We are still in this to beat cancer, it has just taken a turn down a road I never imagined being on so soon.
Yesterday's MRI showed that that tumor has slightly grown since her last MRI three weeks ago. This explains why we have been seeing the symptoms she has been having. The weakness on her left side has gotten dramatically worse and we don't feel safe letting her walk without assistance.
After discussion on the various treatments with Tom, Dr. Harrod and our Palliative Care Team, we have decided to keep her on a light chemotherapy medication that is not expected to have many side effects and she should physically be able to handle it well. We will also be speaking with hospice in the next couple of days. As with most everything else, cases with children and hospice are very different than what we think of as hospice that adults use. The hospice nurse will be a support system for us here at home, helping us make sure Amanda stays comfortable and that we have all the help around the house that we might need to make things easier for Amanda.
The steroids she has been on have not alleviated any of her current symptoms so we are tapering her off of those while adding this new chemo medication along with something to help ease any pain she may be experiencing.
So what does this all mean? It means that the tumor has progressed quicker than anyone anticipated. This lighter chemo dose will be taken daily and we hope that it will slow down the progression of the tumor. It means, if you look at this with a worldview, our life can suddenly feel very hopeless and crushing. But thankfully, that is not how we view this. God is sovereign. God is able. God can heal Amanda. God can do anything he wants that brings glory to His name.
I still have hope. I hope for much more time with Amanda. I hope that the tumor stabilizes and she is able to do things she enjoys. I hope that beyond anyone's understanding, that the tumor would just - disappear. Most of all, and above all, I have assurance because I know that my daughter - in fact both of my children, have personal relationships with Jesus Christ so whether we are here for another 50 years, or 50 minutes, heaven is a real place and I have the assurance that my family will be there. Throughout this journey we have seen glimpses of maturity in both of our children that simply stun us.
Our pain is real. Our God is real. Just as we have walked the last seventeen months glorifying God, we will strive every day that comes to do the same.
Prayer has been an amazingly important, vital part of our lives and you have joined with us praying for our daughter. As we start this new painful part of our journey, a friend has set up a 'Prayers for Amanda' Sign Up Genius. I am deeply touched and honored by this. Should you choose to be a part of this, here is the link: Prayers for Amanda and enter the email watsonsignup@gmail.com. Simply follow the instructions to complete the sign in and it will take you to the sign up page. **Please note: We did not create this sight, so if you have any questions, please send an email to watsonsignup@gmail.com. I feel that we often underestimate the power of prayer and I am moved by the fact that this is done on behalf of our daughter. Thank you.
So as we start this new, challenging chapter, we are still living in the moment, the minute, even the second at times. God is good - all the time.
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| My snuggle buddies |
Matthew 19:14
but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”
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