I Corinthians 12:24-27

But God has put the body together.... that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Today's appointment

Today went about as I expected it to.  There was anxiety, fear, butterflies in the stomach and tears.....and that was just me!  Amanda was pretty much in the same boat though.  She didn't want to be there, felt terrible and was not very talkative when the team came in. I love our amazing team. They are all so good with her, gentle, funny, loving - we are blessed. Amanda did very well after her port was accessed, but I think that was because she knew there would be no infusions today! 

Her labs came back great, which really surprised me.  I was honestly thinking those platelets would be low since she has been so weak, but they were sky high.  So after a physical exam, Dr. George has put her on steroids for the next ten days.  'Yeah!' because she has lost two pounds and this should help her appetite, but 'boo' because of all the things that go along with a ten day steroid prescription.  She has presented some minor symptoms much like we saw in the beginning and that is the reason for the steroids. They are nothing major, but any change I see at this point can cause a major panic in my mind. 

As for the rest of our week, Thursday we have physical therapy, which should be interesting since she is so weak.  Then Monday afternoon will be 'the appointment' where we finally have the opportunity to discuss additional treatment options that are available.  Until then, more waiting....

Tonight, I'm tired.  I have been very emotional today, lots of tears and prayers.  I find myself in the most interesting places having tearful conversations with God.....I tend to talk myself in circles so they usually go something like this:
"Father God, your word tells us we find our hope in you. God, I know you can heal her.  I know you can make the tumor completely disappear if you choose to.  I know these things can be done because you are God.  I also know that it may not be your will for Amanda's life and I surrender to that.  But please God, if it be your will, please, let us have her for years to come so that her life will be a walking testimony and everyone will see your mighty works through her life. Thank you for the wonderful ten years we have had her, and I ask that we have ten more years, plus some! I ask all this in your son's name, Amen."

Sometimes my prayers are not pretty, or flowery, or even understandable.  Sometimes they come from my gut and I just cry out to God.  Never have I experienced such pain as I have in the past two weeks.  I am so thankful that no matter what, God still hears.  And He is good.

Psalm 71:14
But I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;

Lamentations 3:21-24 
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“therefore I will hope in him.”

2 comments:

  1. Psalm 1:2-3 Hold fast to it for the sake of strength and stability and fruitfulness. Your delight will be “in the law of the Lord, and on his law you will meditate day and night. You will be like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that you do you will prosper."

    Thankful for the good lab reports. It sounds like some prayers are already being answered. Continued prayers for your family.

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  2. God said, “My presence will go with you. I’ll see the journey to the end.”
    Ex. 3:14

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