Hope

So. Yesterday, I pretty much put it out there how much I have been hurting and struggling during these past two weeks. And typical of the roller coaster of my emotions, some days are much easier than others.  However, I left something out last night.  And it is so incredibly important at this stage of our battle. 

Hope. 

Oh yes - I still have it and I'm not letting go.  HOPE.  It's still there even though we are facing a very formidable enemy.  The God of the universe, the one who created every cell in our body and had the incredible imagination to create the beauty of the world we live in, has the ability to completely cure my daughter's cancer; or bring along another treatment that is successful in slowing or stalling the tumor.  If it is His will for her life.  If it is for His glory.  That is what anchors me on those days of total messiness and tears.  And here is the part that really gets crazy - even if He chooses not to do either one of those things - we will still give Him glory.  Because I have complete faith and trust in His sovereignty. 

I read a blog that made me feel like I was sitting next to the writer and we were having a great conversation, full of encouragement and support for each other.  My side of the conversation would sound something like, "Yes! Exactly! I understand what you are saying. Without that same outlook, my life would be a completely depressed and hopeless situation." 

The article it titled, 'Is My Suffering Meaningless?' and was written by Vaneetha Rendall.  It can be found on the Desiring God website if you would like to read it in it's entirety. 

Here are some of the highlights that made me feel as if Vaneetha and I were sitting together and she was speaking God's wisdom over my life....

As someone who has endured adversity, my greatest comfort is knowing that God is sovereign. He has ordained all of my trials, and therefore, my suffering has purpose.
Purpose.
That one word changes everything. It comforts me when pain envelops me and darkness is my closest friend. God does not delight in my suffering, but weeps with me as he did in John 11. But his tears are not all that he gives me. He gives me hope (emphasis mine) and assurance that my suffering is not in vain. Just as Jesus cried with Mary before he raised Lazarus, the Lord cries with me, knowing he will redeem my suffering.
It is comforting to know that everything God sends is the best possible thing for me. Nothing can derail his plan. No sin, no accident, no affliction. Satan does not have the last word on my suffering. God does. He has decreed it all and will use it all. As we see in the book of Job, God is not reacting to Satan’s agenda — God alone is in control of all things.
........I opened the Bible to John 9, where the disciples were wondering whose sin caused the blind man’s condition. Jesus explained that his blindness was unrelated to sin. His affliction was given so that “the works of God might be displayed in his life.” That passage undid me. Just as God had a purpose in the blind man’s suffering, God showed me there was a purpose to my suffering too. Both were for the glory of God.
I will never know all that God is doing in my trials, but I have seen that he has refined my character, drawn me closer to him, and enabled me to minister to others through my afflictions. And it is my earnest prayer that through my suffering, the works of God are being displayed in my life.
My greatest joy is that my suffering has purpose. Yours does as well. To God be the glory.

Okay, so that is a rather lengthy portion of her article, but it is so full of truth for me, I couldn't help myself.  While I may struggle at times to put joy and suffering in the same sentence, I firmly believe what Team Watson is walking through right now is so that the works of God might be displayed in our lives.  And while we don't exactly know what that looks like tomorrow, next month or next year, His grace is enough, no matter what. 

Please continue to pray for our amazing team as they consider and research alternate chemo options for Amanda at this point. 

What I do know and focus on each day, to the best of my ability, is that I have my beautiful family with me and we are enjoying summer.  We are swimming, swimming and swimming some more. 

So for now, even with a new battle before us, and with heartbreak and fear at times brimming over, I can face tomorrow with hope.  Hope will lead our way, supported by the mighty and powerful prayers of God's people.  

And I am still praying for that miracle.

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;

As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth

Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!