Feeling better, but still down

Amanda is s l o w l y starting to feel better.  She is still weak with little to no energy, but at least she has not been sick anymore.  We tried to get out to run an errand today and ended up coming right back home because she felt so weak.  :(  I've said this so many times, but the balance of knowing when to let her body recoup versus knowing when to push and make her get up is such a hard thing to figure out.  Her legs are weak from not using them and she is weak from chemo.....we are between a rock and a hard place with two more months to go.

We did find out that her MRI will be on June 30.  I'm not sure when we will receive the results.  Most likely it will be the following week.

We will spend our upcoming days working on Amanda feeling better, or at least trying to get her out of bed more. (I think horses will be a great motivator this week!) Wednesday we will go back to Dell for labs, Avastin and her white blood cell shot. 

I was recently sharing with a friend how at times I get so emotionally tired I don't know how to go on.  I'm tired of cancer, tired of Amanda not feeling well, tired of the unknown and tired of feeling like my heart is breaking day after day.  These feelings come and go. Thankfully they are not something that I struggle with all the time.  But the next time they do come around, I will try to remember the words below. Sometimes it is good to let the walls down and just be still.

Once you have come close to the point of despair, God's message is not, "Be strong and courageous" (Joshua 1:6), for He knows that your strength and courage have run way.  Instead, He says sweetly, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). 
That is all God asks of you as His dear child.  When you become weak through the fiercest fires of affliction, do not try to "be strong."  Just "be still and know that [He is] God." And know that He will sustain you and bring you through the fire. 

Be strong, He has not failed you
In all the past
And will He go and leave you
To sink at last?
No, He said He will hide you
Beneath His wing;
And sweetly there in safety
You then may sing.

"Streams in the Dessert"