A long day at the doctor....

Today's appointment went well.  Accessing Amanda's port was a little stressful for her today since it was painful last week.  Thankfully, her labs came back good.  She got fluids today, so the appointment didn't go as quickly as I had hoped it would, but the transfusion room was quiet today so that was nice. 

After being up all day, Amanda came home feeling bad and went to bed.  She had a great day and was in good spirits.  She seemed to be feeling better and was spunkier than I have seen her in awhile.  Unfortunately, by the time we left Dell around 4 (after arriving at the appointment at 12:45) she seemed to slowly crash on the way home. 

I have to admit, the past three weeks have been long, and it seems like the next two months will be even longer.  We were told today to expect this chemo cycle to be a little harder of a hit to her system between the higher dose and just being so close to the end.   That was pretty much what I was anticipating, so the confirmation wasn't a surprise.  We will go back to Dr. Harrod's next week to check Amanda"s counts and she will also receive her Avastin infusion and white blood cell booster shot.   Next week she should be feeling better and have a break from all the "blahs" she has been experiencing.  At least, that is my hope!

Tonight, I am weary and tired - and those are two very different things.  The finish line of round two feels so far away, when in reality it is so very close.   So many times I have asked for prayers for Amanda to finish strong, and here I am, struggling for the very same thing myself - to finish strong. 

It has been a long evening, and a long day.  I think a good night's sleep will do me wonders.

Tonight, as the night went on, Amanda continued to feel bad.  It got to the point where she was frustrated and mad. She just wants to feel better!  How that breaks my heart.  There is nothing I can do.  I tried every home remedy I could think of and she even resorted to taking medicine.  Finally, she asked if I would come rub her temples and play some music while she closed her eyes.  She fell asleep as we listened to hymns. 

I am sitting here next her sleeping with the beautiful music rolling over me and the quiet dark all around me, and I feel the peace and nearness of God.  I am reminded that he will help me face my battles when I am too weak.  He is my strength and stronghold.  He is faithful, merciful and he draws me close into his grace.  His mercies allow me to face each new day and he gives me the ability to find joy in this journey.  It is because of him that I see the beauty in the small things. 

As I watch our beautiful daughter sleep, God reminds me that He is in control, His plan is perfect, and He loves her.  

And I pray for that miracle.

Wonderful Merciful Savior

Wonderful, merciful Savior
Precious Redeemer and Friend
Who would've thought that a Lamb could
Rescue the souls of men
Oh, You rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost our way
Oh, we've hopelessly lost the way

You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father
Faithfully loving Your own
Here in our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne
Oh, we're falling before Your throne

You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for