As cycle twelve nears....

This year has flown by and yet at the same time, I often wondered if it was ever going to end.  It's almost here. That bittersweet moment of completing this final round of treatment.  Bittersweet because we are ready to finish this, and yet at the same time, that means we will not be actively fighting the disease anymore.  I don't know if that sounds right; it's hard to put into words how I feel sometimes. 

Tuesday was a little stressful for us.  Nothing major, but Amanda wasn't feeling good and it took center stage through most of the afternoon.  Even though she was feeling bad, and really stressing out about it emotionally, there were moments of laughter and joy mingled in there as well.  It was one of those days that will stand out in our memories years from now.   I am thankful for those good times and I am thankful for the privilege to be the mother of these two amazing children.

This entire eleventh cycle has been much easier than cycle ten and I am incredibly grateful.  Dr. Harrod thought that Amanda must have had a virus on top of the chemo and that might be what wiped her out, keeping her in bed for almost a month.  That makes me stop and think, oh my gracious, what if Amanda has gotten serious sick?  All she had was a congestion/stuffy nose thing with no fever.  Makes me panic to think what she would have been like with strep or something! Praise God she has been well, one more month to keep her that way.  While she has been a little on the mellow side toward the end of this cycle, she is definitely feeling better than last time.

After celebrating the end of school last Friday, we spent Saturday with the Watson family in Temple.  As always, we love being with family.  Amanda enjoyed the day with her cousins and she managed to play most of the day.  Sunday evening, we went to hear Tom's younger brother preach and then the kids spent the night with Maw Maw and Papa Watson in Temple with plans to go fishing on Monday.  Brandon and Amanda love to fish.  Those plans were cancelled due to the wonderful rain, but they had a blast anyway.  We are so blessed that our family is close, both in our relationships and in location.

Cousin time with the Watsons. (and this is not all of them!)

Friday, we start cycle twelve.  Day one is the rough one at Dr. Harrod's.  Amanda gets the  high dose of Benedryl along with the antibiotic and Avastin.  This round, I will be sure that we stay on top of her anti-nausea meds here at home!

On Friday night, we will have Cousins Camp at our house.  This may be the best opportunity this summer to get all the Smith cousins together.  Amanda is looking forward to having them around to help distract her from chemo.  Needless to say, I hope that Amanda has a good start to chemo so she can enjoy everyone!  Okay, have to be honest, I still, even after all this time, often find it hard to believe that I am talking about chemo, cancer and my little girl.   At times, in my mind, our new normal sits on the surface and I like to pretend it isn't there.  Crazy, I know.  But just because I sometimes ignore the truth, it doesn't goes away.  Funny how that works.

My outlook of "living in the day" and depending on God's mercies for each day has worked very well for me.  So much, in fact, that the more I think about Friday and what it stands for, the more excited I get.  I don't think I have let myself fully comprehend what is coming up.  As it gets closer, at times I am literally giddy with happiness.  (I usually keep it to myself though, that might be hard to explain to the people around me!)  Yet even at those moments, the fear still lingers like smoke around the edges.  I honestly don't know if that feeling will ever completely go away.  As a mom, that is just how I roll.  I am constantly working on giving Amanda back to God and trusting Him.  But for right now, at this time in our journey, I will focus on the positive because it is a time to celebrate and give thanks for how much God has blessed Amanda's life in the past fourteen months. 

You have walked along beside us, carrying our burdens and celebrating our victories.  So as we prepare to start cycle twelve, thank you for staying the course with us.  Please continue to pray for Amanda.  Even with the fun distraction of having her cousins over, she is already dreading Friday and chemo.  Only one more to go.  I can't even begin to imagine what day five will feel like for her. 

We will be wearing our Team Watson shirts for this milestone on Friday.  I'm ready to start this celebration as we wrap up chemo!  Oh Happy Day!

1 Corinthians 13:1-3; 13
 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.