What if it was me?

We made it through another day without a trip into Austin.  I would be really happy to not have to make a trip this weekend, so please pray that her platelets will start climbing on their own and that she won't need an infusion over the next few days. 

Today we went to Temple for our niece's fourth birthday.  It was a swimming party and Amanda felt up to swimming for about an hour or so before she got tired.  I'm thrilled that she was able to go and have fun.  After the party, we spent the rest of the afternoon with the Watson family.  Most of the time we put a lot of work into finding a day that we can all get together, and even though a part of the family wasn't there, I still love how today seemed to fall into place and we had some nice family time. 

I had a wonderful conversation with my sister in law's father and a family friend at the party today.  We spoke of our faith, and how it strengthens you in the hard times in life.  The comment was made that as Christians, we hear that so much from the pulpit or sitting in a bible study class.  But when you are able to stand firm and be confident in that truth when life hits you hard, that is when you are given a beautiful opportunity to truly live out and walk the life we have been called to live. That is how I feel about Team Watson right now.  I often feel as if I am living out a story of one of God's miracles and I can't wait to see what He does next.  Yes, I would wish for anything other than to be where we are, but what an amazing ability we have to glorify God and share our testimonies as we experience this journey. 

Having said that, I am still a mom.  I am a mom who often struggles with the truth that I have a daughter with brain cancer.   I have days that I stare the ugly reality in the face and it wins.  The fear washes over me and I can’t bear to think about the future.  My imagination of what might or might not happen gets the better of me and I lose the battle.  But because of the truth I mentioned above, I know that it is okay for me to work through those feelings - God is strong enough to handle my fears.  It is His strength that rushes in and washes over me to restore my faith, joy and my hope during my hard times.  
 

I imagine at some point, as you have followed our journey, you have asked yourself, “What would I do if I was in their place? How would I handle that?”  I have asked myself the same thing in the past.  Two summers ago, Tom’s younger brother and his wife lost a precious baby boy, Sam.  As we watched them walk through the darkest of valleys with strength, grace, total dependence and trust in God, I stood back and admired their faith.  I remember having that conversation with Thomas as we drove to Temple as clearly as if it was yesterday and asking those questions.  I wondered if I had the strength to be like them if something happened to one of our children, all the while praying that I never had to find out.  

I have found that I do have the strength, and if you have a personal relationship with Christ, if He is your Lord and Savior and your life is saturated in His truth, you too can face more than you ever thought possible.  It may not be such a gut-wrenching experience as having a child with cancer, but God has a purpose and calling for each of our lives.  We are called to live it out with faith.

As I sit here tonight, at the foot of Amanda's bed while she sleeps I can hear my son in the next room getting ready for bed and my husband moving about the house, and I am peaceful.  My life feels more fulfilled and full of love right now than it ever has.  Life is a blessing and we have no promises for tomorrow.  So I encourage you, live your life, right where God has you, and glorify Him with all you have.  

Psalm 62:6-8

He only is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress; I shall not be shaken.

On God rests my salvation and my glory;
    my mighty rock, my refuge is God. 

Trust in him at all times, O people;

    pour out your heart before him;
    God is a refuge for us.