Not the news I was hoping for...

What a roller coaster of emotions today.  The first day of school!  Since Tom was home today, I went to school early to attend Teacher Prayer with the faculty.  I can't think of a better way to start of the school day than praying together as a group.  I was so honored to be there.  As I walked into the office this morning before joining them, I couldn't help but cry.  Who would have thought that Amanda would be able to attend the first day of school this year?  I felt so blessed that this day had come. 

Back To School at Grace Academy 2013

Amanda not only attended class today, she was able to stay the entire morning!  Tom said she was so excited this morning.  While she was in class, I was able to help out in the office. Yep - I even wore my name tag and faculty/staff uniform today. It was bittersweet. I must say, even with our busy schedule of appointments, it does not compare in any way to the hustle and bustle in that office. They are running that place with efficiency!  I tried to stay out of the way and work in a corner, but didn't always succeed. I had a fun day being back around the team. Brandon's classroom is right next door to the office, so I even had the opportunity to see his face a few times today.  That made the day a little more special. (Even if they did ask me to work carpool this morning!) :)   He had a great day and enjoyed all of his teachers.  It was a fantastic start for him!

Unfortunately, Amanda needed to leave at lunch, and she was NOT happy with me.  Thankfully, she had an appointment at Dell, so I was not to blame for making her leave early.  Hey, there are enough battles I have to fight, I don't mind letting someone else take the heat on occasion!  Thomas took her to the appointment while I stayed at school so that I could pick up Brandon and be with him on his first day of school.  Tom has to miss many appointments due to work, so I got to see what it is like being on this end of it all, and I don't mind admitting that I didn't like it one bit!  

Her labs came back and her platelets have dropped pretty far.  Not far enough that Dr. Harrod felt she needed a platelet infusion, but enough that we need to keep a careful eye on her and chemo is delayed.  Thankfully, her white blood cell count is high, which is a good thing.  Especially since she was around a lot of children today.

I have to admit, I was bitterly disappointed that we couldn't start chemo and that her platelets have dropped so low. She has been feeling so good!  Everything about this round has been an improvement, and I guess I should look at this as an improvement as well.  I have to remind myself that God has a plan for this and I can see blessings despite my disappointment.  Even though her platelets are low, her white blood cell count is still at a good level- so she is feeling well and we don't have to wear masks while we are in public places.  I'd say those are two huge blessings!

So here we are, waiting for another week to see what her counts will be.  In the meantime, I will be busy with lesson plans, balancing schedules, learning how to juggle home, Brandon's school, and home school.  Trying to do my best to be a Godly wife, mother and friend.  And muddling my way through the beginning steps of actually trying to teach.  All the while, struggling to not let my emotions, like stress, frustration and exhaustion, get the better of me; but instead, to find the joy in each new day. 

One of my dearest friends gave me a printout from Ann Voskamp's website, A Holy Experience, a few years ago.  It is called "10 Grace Prayers for Joyful Parenting."  I imagine I will be referencing it often in the days to come.  One has particularly jumped out at me this evening.  It says, "Just for today, I will ask for His grace, that when stress mounts, I'll dismount it with gratitude."

Our family has so much to be grateful for. 

Psalm 103:8-13
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
    slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
    nor will he keep his anger forever. 
 He does not deal with us according to our sins,
    nor repay us according to our iniquities. 
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
    so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
    so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.