I know I have said this a number of times, but Amanda is still surprising me. I was anticipating today would be the day she starts to feel the effects of chemo. Nope. Wrong again. Today Amanda and I went out to eat with my parents and then did a little shopping! This evening she was tired, but still active. We are still enjoying the lovely weather sitting outside in the swing that her classmates gave us last year watching the deer, squirrels and birds. We are on the downhill now, day three down and on to day four.
For me personally, it seems since we received the MRI report, I have been thrown back to the uncertainty of our early days. Even in spite of Tom's calm presence, I am wrestling with my fears more than I care to admit. Why in the world do I allow myself to be shaken by a might be? I walked in expecting to hear "How amazing" and instead heard "There has been a change." Because of that, my sinful flesh immediately goes to doubts and fears and fights for control, trying to fix things and figure out the future instead of the simple act of embracing the here and now and trusting God. I thought I had this 'living in the moment' down to an art, then along comes the basic reminder of what we are dealing with (who would have thought I would lose sight of that?!) and it would seem I have forgotten the past year and how God has blessed. The fact that Amanda is here, defying odds and doing amazing should be enough to overcome my doubts or fears. Can you tell that as I type this I am giving myself a stern lecture?
Today's devotion in "Streams in a Dessert" was powerful and timely: (As they often are!)
"Glorify ye the Lord in the fires." (Isaiah 24:15 KJV)
"Notice the little word "in"! We are to honor the Lord in the trial - in the very thing that afflicts us.....It is precisely there, in the heat of the fire, we are to glorify Him.... Even more, we are to believe that out of the fire will arise something more worthy of praise to Him than had we never experienced it.....To go through some fires will take great faith, for little faith will fail. We must win the victory in the furnace. ~Margeret Bottome" (emphasis mine)
So here we are, in the furnace. I don't want to be the one with little faith and fail. I want to honor and glorify God. I want to be the victor in the conflict.
God is good. He is sovereign. All the time. If I love Amanda this much, how much more does God? So at the end of the day, I can rest on his promises and trust his plan, even knowing I have no clue what tomorrow holds. Okay, lecture done. I am feeling better.....
The scripture below has been one of those that I find to be a beautiful reminder of God's love. It shows that we will have trials and we will face difficulties, but we don't face them alone.
Nothing is more comforting than that.
Isaiah 43:1-3
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
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