We have spent the past two days at the river. It was intended to be a getaway, and while it was, I
worked the entire time on the slideshow for Amanda’s memorial service.
I have started referring to it as my 'Beautifully Heartbreaking' project. Being away from the
house with no demands on my time was a good thing. The flow of emotions continues to be exhausting. The memories are beautiful, painful, joyful
and heartbreaking. And each picture or
video was full of memories that took me on that ride. Thankfully there was a beautiful river, a couple of four wheelers and my
two boys. We would take time to go sit
in the water rapids and just be together.
I would let the beauty of God’s creation wash away the heartbreak and sooth my
mind. Then it was back to my
project.
If you have followed the blog at all, you know how much I
love pictures. I am pouring my
heartbreak and sorrow into this slideshow.
To tell the story of her life through pictures is an impossible task,
but my hope is that if you are there Saturday, you will walk away with a better
understanding of what an amazing and blessed ten, almost eleven, years God gave
to us through Amanda’s life.
Our week will continue with meetings with the various
parties involved in the service on Saturday.
Wednesday we will make a trip to Dell to pick up a CD of pictures they
have of Amanda. Her photo was used in
some promotional material and they are giving us all the pictures they took
that day. This will be a very emotional
trip for me. Our Dell team is amazing,
and I am still so very thankful for all they did for Amanda.
The fact that this all happened so suddenly is not lost on
anyone. I feel like we all are still trying
to catch our breath and actually accept the reality of it all. As I sit and type this, it has been six days;
only six days and yet it feels like six years.
I miss her so much.
Please keep us in your prayer as Amanda’s memorial service
gets closer. It is that 'big event' in my
future that has put life on hold for me. I am still living each day moment by moment,
but now it is crippled with the giant emptiness that she has left. By the end of the day I am so proud of myself
for making it through the day until I realize that tomorrow, it will begin all
over again. Who knew a body could
produce so many tears?
Doubly thankful for new mercies each day….
Lamentations 3:21-24
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,“therefore I will hope in him.”
Stay strong old friend and we will continue to keep you and your family in are prayers.
ReplyDeleteRyan Amanda ember and xander sauls
Sandy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for being transparent and real through all of this. You are an amazing woman of God and I love you so much!! I continue praying for all of you as you are moving through this one day at a time!!
Amanda was Blessed to have you as a mother.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTen shorts years...almost eleven.
ReplyDeleteThen river of tears…Hand of Heaven.
The Lamb Who Was Slain, partaking our pain
That many more to wipe away.
Then ever-flowing river of years...new earth and new heaven.
Ten million times ten million!
As a mother and a grandmother, my heart cries for you each day. I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers for strength, comfort and encouragement for the days ahead, and the ability to memorialize your beautiful daughter in a way that will be remembered by many for years to come.
ReplyDeletePraying for your family often. May God provide you all the comfort and strength in the days, weeks, months and years ahead!! A little something that hangs on my fridge that may not provide comfort right now but sometime! Poem - Author Unknown "I'll lend for a little time, a child of Mine," He said. For you to love the while he lives and mourn when he is dead. It may be 6 or 7 years or 23 or 3. But will you till I call him back, take care of him for me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and tho his stay be brief, You will have lovely memories as solance for your grief.
ReplyDeleteI cannot promise he will stay since all from Earth return, but there are lessons taught down here I want this child to learn. I have looked the wide-world over in my search for teachers true, And from the throngs that crowd lifes lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love nor think the labor vain, "Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?"
"We fancied that we heard them say Dear Lord they will be done! For all the joy a child will bring the risk of grief we run. We will shelter him with tenderness, we will love him while we may and for the happiness we have now forever greatful stay, But shall the angels call for him much sooner than we planned, we shall brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand!"
Although it is heartbreaking right now to go through the process of putting this presentation together, you are healing. Healing is not easy, but it serves a purpose and while you are anguishing over the moments right now, you are seeing the beauty of a life well lived by a beautiful daughter who now waits for you in heaven. Grieving is never easy but it's part of healing. I cried my way through Emma's book and realize now how helpful it was. Stay strong dear mama. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my prayers daily even though we do not know each other. I cannot imagine what you are going through but know that so many people are praying for comfort and peace for you. May God Bless you on this journey you are taking.
ReplyDeleteI am grieving with you and your family. Tears are flowing. I have peace for Amanda and know she is with her heavenly Father. You and Tom and Brandon are making all the right steps to get through the emptiness and loss. You have a new configuration of life and that will take time to get use to. Take each step forward as a gift from God. He will guide you through it. You know him so well and so it will be smoother for you than most. God bless each of you with your individual needs as Brandon and Tom's may be different than yours. Love and cherish each other.
ReplyDeleteSo many years ago... our Father...who art in Heaven.... put in motion what is still a beautiful love story. He placed you and Thomas together and sharpened you against each other so that you both would take on this labor of love as one. Satan has been watching... and waiting... and still sits ready to bring down your relationship.
ReplyDeleteProtect your hearts.... Hold yourselves more closely than ever before. I rebuke his intent and I pray strength and passionate, never ending love for your marriage and for your family.
I pray understanding and peace for Brandon. I pray a bond over your family. In Jesus name!!! and for HIS sake!
Ty Burcham