Today has been one of those days, so if I ramble, please forgive me. Once I have cried as much as I have today, my mind becomes so foggy, I find I have trouble making sense....
I miss Amanda so terribly and the reality of our new normal keeps getting more and more real. Today was the kind of day where every step and every breath hurt. A day where the panic and pain made me wonder how I was going to be able to survive the day. My days feel so empty without her to fill them. I am incredibly thankful for my husband, who will sit with me, cry the tears with me and allow me to just feel.
Romans 8:26-28
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
This scripture continues to become more and more personal and true for me as this journey continues on. I find comfort in knowing that we have many people continuing to cover our family in prayer and the fact that God is working all things together for good, even if I can't see it now.
What also makes days like today somehow bearable is hearing and knowing how Amanda's story is touching lives. Thomas and I have always known she was going to have a great ministry one day. We saw her compassionate heart and love for God and knew that she was going to do a mighty work for God's Kingdom. We never imagined it would turn out this way.
So while we mourn the heartbreaking loss of our precious, vivacious daughter, we have the ability to find the joy in knowing that people have been and continue to be touched and changed by her life.
There are going to be more days like today in my future. It will only
get harder before it gets easier. I know that. I catch myself calling
out to both the kids to come do something, or get up to go check on
Amanda because she hasn't called for me in awhile, or even find a stray piece of laundry here or there and I'm reminded she is gone. Everyday things that
simply come natural are the most painful.
Not to mention the fact that Amanda's birthday is
just a few weeks away. Followed by the holidays......
The path ahead, though rocky with sorrow and tears, stays the same for our family. We will strive to live our lives giving God the glory in all that we do.
I am very aware that it will be my faith and trust in God that will guide me daily, step by step....breath by breath.....and during days like today, He has proven faithful to carry me through. His word promises me that.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
❤️🙏
ReplyDeleteWe ARE all here for you. We DO lift you in prayer. Thinking of you daily.
ReplyDeleteKeeping your beautiful family in our prayers. This life is temporary but the life to come is eternal. Love y'all.
ReplyDeleteWonder what she is learning today. Is there a Heaven101? What would the snack be - probably grapes.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for continuing to be transparent - it is like light shining in the darkness.
God bless you with a thousand hugs and a gentle song.
Praying right now
ReplyDeletePraying through the sorrow. God Bless
ReplyDeletePraying for your family in these difficult days and amazed at your strength in the Lord! You are an inspiration to so many!
ReplyDeleteYour family is truly an inspiration and your willingness to share your experience is a blessing to all of us who are praying for you. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for all your family, thank you for continuing to share and inspire.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Renée
Praying for you in these moments. I like the earlier comment of wondering what Amanda's day has been... oh just chatting it up with family members she's never met, Christians who have gone before. She join the host of those cheering us on to victory in our own lives... only separated by a veil.
ReplyDeleteI will never forget your precious story and the amazing story that Amanda told as she was transitioning to Heaven! I'm so grateful that you shared it. Thank you a million times over. I'll tell everyone I see as it's so, so powerful!!! Your daughter will live on and on and on.....I'm praying for your precious hearts as I can't even imagine the loss. This verse especially..."The Lord is close to the broken-hearted. He heals those that are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Sandy. When we lost Emma the grief came in waves, engulfing and trapping me, then releasing me to tears and later joy. The pain will get easier. It may not seem like it now, but it will. Grief is a physical, mental and emotional torture. There were days I cried with no words to express my sorrow..down on my knees in tears before God. He will carry you all during this time. If you ever need to talk, I'm here.
ReplyDeleteSandy, not a day goes by that you are not lifted up in our prayers, and I can't tell you how many tears I have shed just because I too am a mom and from one mom to another, we are grieving with you. Praying for you all.....
ReplyDeleteI don't know you. I found you through a high school friend's constant prayers for you on Facebook. And I then followed your story. I wept when Amanda slipped away, and I weep for you now. Your words are so beautiful, your grief so great, and yet you have the most amazing attitude. I just wanted to tell you -- from a total stranger -- that I think you sound like an incredible family, with the most incredible daughter, and though the weight is so so heavy, I hope you know you are special.
ReplyDeleteI don't know you either; however, am drawn to Amanda's story. She looks so much like an angel. You're a gifted writer and as Amanda requested to keep speaking about her.. Have you considered writing a Christian book regarding Amanda's journey? I think this would bring you healing as well as healing to others by reassuring that there is indeed an afterlife.
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