Mo Ranch 2014 - with lots of pictures!

This past weekend, our Grace Academy family had our annual Mo Ranch weekend in Hunt, Texas.  This is a beautiful camp on the Guadalupe River and we have been going since Brandon's Kindergarten year at Grace.  We have missed only two years in our entire time at Grace.  We took a family get away in 2011, and then we missed 2013....

In 2013 we were not able to attend due to Amanda's treatment, but all four of us had looked forward to making the trip this year.  The original date was set for the weekend of Amanda's memorial service.  We were incredibly touched when the school decided to reschedule the weekend to allow Grace families to attend the service.  That was another instance of the love and support our family has experienced during this time.

As the date got nearer and we had made the decision to go, I was having serious doubts about it.  Even though we were to stay in a new lodge in a private room that included a separate living area and kitchen with a small group of other families, I still had concerns about feeling overwhelmed with both the memories and people.  Honestly, being in groups of people is still hard for me.  When it came down to it, the fact that Brandon wanted to go was my main reason to be there so I put on my big girl pants and went.  I really do love the whole experience of Mo Ranch, from the drive there, to the beautiful tranquility of the campus, to time spent with our Grace family - I love it all. 

I must say, once we got there, it was one of the hardest experiences for me since Amanda's passing.

Everywhere I looked I saw memories of Amanda.  She grew up there, each summer getting a little more independent as she explored the banks of the river and swam like a fish.  She was looking forward to the trip this summer that would kick off the school year with her friends.  To be there without her was more painful than I can put into words.  God still showed me goodness and beauty through the pain.

I made new friends.

I laughed with old friends.

I saw my son laughing and smiling with his friends.

Surrounded by God's amazing, beautiful creation, away from any technology and the hustle and bustle of life, I experienced a peace through the pain.

By far the hardest part of the weekend was when I was asked by a beautifully innocent child if I had children.  I said I do, my son is thirteen and was currently swimming.  She then asked if I had a daughter.  I have not had to answer that question yet.  But with honesty and gentleness, I gave my answer a try and I think it went something like this:  "Yes, I do have a daughter.  She is in heaven right now, but I think you would have really enjoyed meeting her.  She was a special girl."

It was pure grace from God that I faced that question for the first time from the innocent curiosity of a child and in a very "safe" place.  Testing the waters with a family who are strong believers allowed me to say Amanda was in Heaven, and I knew the parents were there to step in and help me if I started to sink.  It was a definite punch to the gut, but even in that painful moment, God was good and I think I handled the moment well.

Despite all the pain that I faced, there was still something healing about being there, surrounded by people that love and care for me.

One of my devotions (I tend to juggle several) during the weekend was from Beth Moore's Praying God's Word Day by Day and said this:

Faith is not believing in my own unshakable belief.  It is believing an unshakable God when everything in me trembles and quakes. 
Praise be to You, Lord, for you showed Your wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city (Ps. 31:21)
But Lord God, according to Your Word, these "light and momentary" troubles of mine (in relation to eternity) are achieving for me an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor. 4:17-18).
I am still confident of this: I will see Your goodness, Lord, in the land of the living.  I will wait for You, Lord.  I will be strong and take heart and wait for You.  (Ps. 27:13-14)

Another year of Mo Ranch in the books, as one of my friends likes to say.  All in all, pain and heartbreak, joy and tears, I'm glad I went  - if only to prove to myself that I can face those wonderful places full of special memories and survive.  When you are living with grief, sometimes there are days that it comes down to simply surviving....

"God had graciously allowed some of my fears to come true so I would discover I would not disintegrate.

My faithful Father, whether I turn to the right or to the left, cause my ears to hear a voice behind me saying, "This is the way, walk in it." (Isa. 30:21) Praying God's Word Day by Day, Beth Moore"

Our story of Mo Ranch, in pictures:

2008

Sunday morning chapel service - our girl was tuckered out.

2009

One of my all time favorite Mo Ranch pictures..

Tadpoles, frogs and minnows were always fun to catch.

Chapel service - yes, tuckered out again!

2012

My love for these two simply can't be put into words....

2014

Old friends and new

New Adventures! (look closely - there are ladies coming down that hill!)

The view from our patio

1 Chronicles 16:34

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!