Life with tears, but another story of joy

I find that I am still stumbling my way through learning how to walk through this new life.  Work is good.  I went in one day this week struggling and having a tough start to the day, but as the morning went on, the laughter and love that abounds in that office helped lift my spirits.  I still leave exhausted and tend to nap daily.  That lets me recharge a little before Brandon comes home and our evening begins.

Little things, sometimes the craziest things, still sneak up and catch me off guard, completely destroying my composure.  Ginger had a vet appointment this week.  One of the tech's asked how Amanda was doing and if she was still in chemo.......

As I sat in the exam room, alone while they took Ginger back for her check-up, with tears running down my cheeks I wondered how many times is this going to happen?  How many times would I be caught off guard and lose it?  I quickly realized that for the rest of my life I will struggle with that reality.  And in all honesty, she is totally worth it, so I don't mind the tears.

If you remember a few posts back, I shared a paper that one of our Rhetoric students at Grace wrote about the impact Amanda's life made in her life.  This week, I was handed a second paper that was written about Amanda.

As I intentionally look for joy in each day, this paper fits right along with that mindset.  I love my Grace family, and they love my girl.

I had an experience where I saw God's hand help someone.  It was when I saw Amanda Watson on Field Day 2013.  Amanda had been feeling horrible for about a week and a half and everyone feared that she would miss field day.  I prayed every night, in hopes that He would heal her just enough for her to enjoy field day.
Days flew past, and the countdown to field day crept to lower numbers quickly.  Minutes turned to hours as I anxiously waited to finish 7th grade.  Finally, it was here.  Field day was here.  I rejoiced to be done with school, but began to wonder where Amanda was.  Mr. Cauley started the usual announcements, and I couldn't wait for him to mention Amanda's name. 
After twenty minutes of waiting, and by then, I began to lose hope, I heard her name.  My heart soared and I was filled with so much joy.  
I was happy to see her running around, doing activities, but one moment has stuck with me.  All the kids lined up to begin playing the game Sharks and Minnows.  I sat on the outside watching.  The game began and all the kids started running past me.  Then I saw Amanda.  Everything turned into slow motion and she looked like she was glowing.  Her red hair hair flowed gracefully from beneath her hat like a raging fire.  She had a smile on her face that only God could create; so big, loving and welcoming.  I could not help but smile almost as big as she did, but no smile could surpass her smile.  The joy and happiness that filled my heart surpassed any happiness that I had ever felt before.  I had never felt this kind of joy, and I knew, right then, that God had given me that joy.

Nowhere is there a greater chance to see the peace and joy of the Lord than when the journey through the valley is the darkest.   ~Billy Graham

Teach me the way of life.  Fill me with  the joy of  your presence.  Psalm 16:11