From 2013 to 2014....

I survived!  That is, I survived Cousin Camp.  Cousin Camp, in case you don't know, is where we have all the nieces and nephews over from the Smith side to spend the night.  We played games, watched an unbelievable football game, shot off fireworks, played Rock Band and raced cars, ate and then ate some more.....and even slept a little!   As usual, we had a great time and thankfully, no one hurt each other. (Fireworks were present....just sayin') Memories were made that will go down in infamy in family folklore.  Good times.

Amanda has been feeling very tired and worn down this week, but she has pushed herself to the limit and enjoyed her week as much as possible.  With chemo starting on Friday, her feeling a little poorly is expected, but I also think the busyness of the last month is catching up with her.  I am praying that we don't experience a harder hit from chemo since she does seem a little more on the weak side.  Knowing her, she will probably surprise me and I would love for her to prove me wrong!

So here I sit.  On the first day of a new year, I feel this pressure to be relieved that 2013 is over, to have great goals for 2014 while looking forward to the upcoming year and all it holds.  Instead, I find myself sitting here with mixed feelings.  The pain of 2013 is not going anywhere.  We are carrying over with us what made 2013 such a challenging and trying year right into 2014.  Yet at the same time, that 'same thing' that brought us the greatest pain also gave us joy, trust and faith more than I ever could have dreamed.  It showed us what the body of Christ looks like as it ministers to one another.  It brought us to our knees before God in agony, in prayer and petition, and in worship and praise.  2013 will always be an unforgettable year, but for more reasons than what are on the surface.

The way I look at life has forever been altered because of 2013.  I now do my best not to look to the future and plan.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I still dream and hope for our future.  I still talk about the kids driving, graduating from Grace and going to college.  I look forward to watching them mature and walk the path God has for them.  I still hope.  I do it now, however, with a keener sense of why we are here on this earth.  It is not about what I can accomplish in my life or how much I can enjoy what this world has to offer, but rather how I can live the life God has given me with the purpose of glorifying Him throughout that life.   So my view on 2014 is not your typical "fresh start with new goals" but instead, as I look to the new year, my prayer is that I can stay the course before us with hope and joy as we fight the battle with all our might and live in His mercy day by day.  

I can't help but think of Chris Tomlin's song, Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies). This song is based on 2 Kings 6:15-18:
When the servant of the man of God rose early in the morning and went out, behold, an army with horses and chariots was all around the city. And the servant said, “Alas, my master! What shall we do?” He said, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Then Elisha prayed and said, “O Lord, please open his eyes that he may see.” So the Lord opened the eyes of the young man, and he saw, and behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha. And when the Syrians came down against him, Elisha prayed to the Lord and said, “Please strike this people with blindness.” So he struck them with blindness in accordance with the prayer of Elisha.
Chris said this in an interview about the song: "Our story is not a story of fear, it is a story of faith.....Most of the time our eyes are focused on what's in front of us. If we could see the spiritual realm, our enemy wouldn't cause us fear.  Those who are with us are far more than those who are against us."

My greatest battle is often against fear - fear of the unknown and what the future holds.  Often times, my fears will sweep down and stop me in my tracks, literally leaving me trying to catch my breath.  I know Amanda sometimes struggles with fear.  How fortunate to have the above mentioned truth to hold on to with confidence in those times of fear.  I can let go of my attempt to control, throwing my hands up in complete surrender and worship God because I know His is mercy is never ending, His love is unfailing, He is our refuge and our strength.  “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

So as we continue our battle in 2014, I know who goes before me.  What about you?  

Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)

You hear me when I call

You are my morning song

Though darkness fills the night

It cannot hide the light

Whom shall I fear

You crush the enemy

Underneath my feet

You are my Sword and Shield

Though trouble lingers still

Whom shall I fear

I know Who goes before me

I know Who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always on my side

The One who reigns forever

He is a Friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

My strength is in Your name

For You alone can save

You will deliver me

Yours is the victory

Whom shall I fear

Whom shall I fear

And nothing formed against me shall stand

You hold the whole world in Your hands

I'm holding onto Your promises

You are faithful

You are faithful

You are faithful

I know Who goes before me

I know Who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always on my side

The One who reigns forever

He is a Friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The God of angel armies is always by my side