A mixture of updates and memories...

At times I find myself overwhelmed by the continued love and support our family receives.  You'll have to forgive me, my mind is bouncing all over the place and so does this post.

One of Tom's coworker's found out why he wasn't at work on August 6, because it was the one year date, and shared our story with her sister.  Her sister just happens to be an amazing artist.  This water color is a gift from that sweet family.  When Tom brought the picture home, I was completely speechless.  The beauty of it and the how it expresses our faith from the book of Psalms is an awesome combination.  Tom pointed out he could just see Amanda deciding to make a crown of grapes that day to wear in her hair.......I think he is right.  As we watched Amanda mature during those 17 months, she was coming in to that fun stage of fixing her hair, picking out her own style of clothes and hitting those pre-teen years where she was enjoying getting ready to go places.  That is something I find myself missing as a mom of a girl.

This watercolor will simply take your breath away.  Can't you just see Amanda wearing a crown of grapes as she lives each day in perfection?

The school year is progressing well for Brandon.  He is doing great in all his classes and likes his teachers.  Right now we are enjoying dove season.  With deer season right around the corner (his favorite season) the anticipation is high.  Sweet Annie continues to grow.  I am starting to wonder when she will stop.  She is long-legged and absolutely beautiful.  The best part about her is her sweet temperament that matches her beauty.  I often find myself looking in her golden eyes and thinking how Amanda would have loved her.  Amanda was fascinated by the eyes of animals, and Annie's eyes are some of the prettiest I've seen.  I think Amanda would have spoiled her rotten despite Brandon's objections.  On one of our recent hunting trips, Annie was able to find a dead bird that a group of 6 adults were unable to find in the sunflower field.  Even though she is not yet six months old - she is showing all the traits of a great hunting dog!   I am thankful (and relieved!) that we have been blessed with a dog that has a great personality and fits in well with our family.

 

Can you believe this sweet little thing is what we brought home?

Me and my sweet pea dove hunting - well, we were just the support team.  ;)

Annie and Uncle Wayne had the best seats in the field...

This past weekend my sisters and I took a little road trip and enjoyed a Garth Brooks concert in Dallas.  The time away, with only the three of us, was an amazing time.  The laughter and ability to be ourselves was much needed and extremely enjoyed.  Listening to the songs from my high school days, surrounded by people who loved the music as much as we do in our section helped make the night unforgettable.

I have never taken for granted how God has blessed our family.  Up until Amanda's diagnosis, our family had what the world would consider a picture perfect family.  Then came her cancer prognosis and our world was turned upside down.   Suddenly we were dealing with every parent's nightmare.  Yet through it all, each person in our family knew that God was in control, and while everyone had to take their own journey through the nightmare that was our reality, our faith remained strong and the family support never wavered.  It wasn't always easy and it certainly didn't end like we prayed that it would, but we trusted God and we know, without a doubt, that we will see my sweet girl again.  The bonds of our family have grown stronger in a way that only through tests and trials of heartbreak can create.  We found our foundation of faith in Christ Jesus is real, true and more powerful than we realize.  And for that I can still say that God has incredibly blessed our family.

I love these two sisters of mine! A little road trip to Dallas to see Garth Brooks last week.

I'm feeling a bit sentimental this week.  On Amanda's birthday, Tom Brandon and I were out of town, but Amanda's classmates celebrated her birthday with a cookie cake (Amanda had a cookie cake every year on her birthday at school.)  We were surprised and touched when Mr. Field, sixth grade's homeroom teacher this year, handed me a stack of birthday cards.  Each student had made Amanda a card. 
Here are a few of the messages from the cards:
"Even though you are in heaven, (and is probably having the best birthday ever) I want you to know that we're celebrating your birthday here too."
"Happy birthday!  Miss you!  I wish you could be here, but I know you're having the best time of your life.  Literally.  I can't wait to see you again."
"I love you.  I hope in heaven you can have all the chocolate bunnies with gummie worms in it.  Have fun playing with Jesus.  You were such a great friend to me and still are.  Have fun, I love you."
"Dear Watsons, thank you for letting Amanda come to this school and learn with our class.  Even though we may not see her physically now, I thank you for letting us be with her, play with her, and letting us be her friends for the time that we had together.  All those special moments together have a purpose.  The memory of Amanda will last forever.  I am praying for you." 

 
I have been blogging since February, 2013. Over the years, I have read all the comments that have been posted.  All of them.  I often read them to Amanda as well.  One that was recently posted was so beautifully written that I could close me eyes and picture it.  It was on the post I shared how our family fulfilled Amanda's wishes by placing the rose petals on her grave the day she died.  This is what it said:

I can just see rose petals falling all around Amanda in heaven. She looks up bewildered with a questioning look and He says, with that magnificently warm smile and gleaming eyes, "Special delivery from your Mommy, Daddy & big brother."

I close my eyes and can imagine the look on her face.....the warmth of her smile as she realizes we are following her wishes and when she looks up at God, she is enveloped in His love.

The week after Amanda died, my brother-in-law's brother, Tommy, passed away from cancer as well.  Tommy's daughter and I grew up together - we were practically each others shadows when we were younger.  Having grown up in the Kelley family as one of theirs, his death coming right after Amanda's was painful and hard.  I found myself in the depths of my pain wondering how much can a family take?  And then I read my brother-in-law's post (Hoss Kelley) that day on Facebook.  Tommy was an amazing writer and it seems like that gift wasn't limited to him.  This is what Hoss wrote as he sat by Tommy's bedside in the hospital:
I've seen him get mad, seen him cry and I have seen him with a broken heart. But we will always be brothers and my best friend. He always had my back and I had his.  I know when it is my time to go he will be waiting for me and Papa Kelley will be mad because Tommy out-fished him again. I know when I close my eyes and wake up in heaven a little red headed girl will take me by the hand and say come on Uncle Wayne, let's go play.

I have to admit, this is a weird and crazy place to be.  One day, life is good, I am strong and ready to face the day with strength and purpose.  Then, for no reason, the next day (or even that same "good day") I can barely breathe the pain is so intense.  Simply thinking of Amanda causes physical pain as I realize I will never touch her, hear her voice or see her beautiful smile on this earth.  What a crazy life I find myself in.  Without my faith, the hope that I find in God, along with the love and support that surrounds me, getting through some of the days would feel almost impossible. 

Since Amanda's diagnosis, I have found one thing to be true - I can not use up God's mercies, love or patience.  We were made to have emotions and we were made to love.  How blessed I am to have gotten to love Amanda, even though she only was here for a little while....she lives forever in our hearts and I hold on to the hope of seeing her again.

Romans 5:3-4
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope...