Today marks two years....

I'm not going to lie.  I've had some very tearful days recently.  While I've tried to contain them, sometimes it's just better to let the tears fall.  The weight of fighting off the grief is exhausting.  It's during those times that I dig deep and focus on memories of Amanda while falling back on scriptures that remind me that I serve a faithful, loving and sovereign God.

2 Corinthians 4:18

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Before I begin this story - let me start by saying that other than being sore, my dad seems to be doing fine. Thursday, Dad fell off a ladder and was taken by ambulance to a local hospital for CT scans. He fell 10 to 15 feet off a ladder and managed to hit a few walls and a table on the way down.  Even though we already had the preliminary reports back from the scans that everything was okay, as I sat in the ER holding his hand, looking at him with the neck brace on and waiting for the official report from the doctor, the panic and helpless feelings from the past two years were washing over me like tidal waves.  It's hard to reign in your thoughts when your emotions are getting the better of you.  And even though Daddy walked out of the ER and even made it to Brandon's basketball tournament, the emotional toll from that afternoon hit me hard.

Today is two years since we walked into the ER at Dell Children's Hospital in Austin with Amanda.  So much has happened in the past two years: waiting and wondering for MRI results and lab work to come back; surgery, therapy, radiation and chemotherapy; fundraisers and trips that blessed our family, not because of the events themselves but because of the love behind them; prayers begging God for the deep desires of my heart to be granted all the while soaking up every moment as a family and praying that God would burn those memories deep in my mind. 

Two years of seeing the body of Christ move in ways I have never seen nor experienced before; two years of being ministered to and loved on by friends and family as we walked this journey together; two years of seeing the faith of those around us strengthened by what God was doing in Amanda's life; two years of seeing my family's faith burn bright as we took hold of the truth of God's word and praised God no matter what our days held. 

And in those last days, choosing to proclaim that God is faithful and good even as we realized that our fight against cancer was a losing battle and Amanda's time on this earth with us was short.

I am always amazed at not only how Amanda continues to impact people, but that people are still contacting and sharing those stories with us.  The sharing of those stories brings comfort to my hurting heart.  For instance, we released balloons for Amanda's birthday.  That was September and in January, the following was posted:

Hello Mrs. Watson. When walking my dogs on my property in Liberty Hill this afternoon, I came across a happy birthday balloon for your beautiful daughter. I was touched by Amanda's story, and I am very sorry for your loss. I am a freshman at Texas A&M and am an aspiring nurse. I have had this dream of going into medicine since junior high, and hopefully someday, I will be able to help care for children like Amanda. I pray nothing but blessings upon you and your beautiful family. Thank you for sharing your story. Respectfully, Katy Warner 

Encouragement from someone that found one of Amanda's birthday balloons...another life touched. 

So even though these past two years have been painful and heartbreaking they have also been full of joy and good memories.  I am confident that one day I will reach the point that these past two years of pain will not overshadow the beautiful years we had Amanda.  For now, the pain is still strong and near the surface.  I am okay with that because she is worth it - all of it.

I hope that for the rest of my life, the years Amanda spent on this earth will continue to touch people, but most of all, that her life would radiate the grace and hope in our Lord and strengthen the faith of a generation. 

Faithful - Steven Curtis Chapman

I am broken, I am bleeding,
I'm scared and I'm confused,
but You are faithful.
Yes You are faithful.

I am weary, unbelieving.
God please help my unbelief!
Cuz You are faithful.
Yes You are faithful.

I will proclaim it to the world.
I will declare it to my heart
And sing it when the sun is shining.
I will scream it in the dark.

You are faithful!
You are faithful!
When you give and when You take away,
even then still Your name
is faithful!
You are faithful!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe
You are faithful.

I am waiting for the rescue
that I know is sure to come,
cuz You are faithful.
Yes You are faithful.

I've dropped anchor in Your promises,
and I am holding on,
cuz You are faithful.
God You are faithful.

I will proclaim it to the world.
I will declare it to my heart
And sing it when the sun is shining.
I will scream it in the dark.

You are faithful!
You are faithful!
When you give and when You take away,
even then still Your name
is faithful!
You are faithful!
And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe You're faithful.

So faithful...

Though I cannot have the answer
that I'm wanting to demand,
I'll remember You are God
and everything is in Your hand.

In Your hands you hold the sun, the moon,
the stars up in the sky,
for the sake of Love, You hung Your own Son
on the cross...to die...

You are faithful...
Yes, You are faithful...
When you give and when You take away,
even then, great is Your faithfulness!
Great is Your faithfulness!

And with everything inside of me,
I am choosing to believe You're faithful!

Lamentations 3:21-23

Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.