I Want to Be Dangerous

This past weekend I attended the "Anything 2015" conference in Temple and heard Jennie Allen speak.  She is the founder and visionary behind the IF:Gathering conference.  Not only is she one of my favorite authors, but she has also provided me with valuable advice and encouragement over the last year.  At the beginning of the weekend, Jennie referred to Hebrews 12:1-2 - Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. (This verse is special to our family.  It became our verse for Amanda during chemo.) As Jennie talked us through how to run our race, we talked about what consumes us, what we fear, the baggage we carry, and how we relax.  Each day we have to consciously make the choice to surrender and throw off the things that hinder us all the while focusing our eyes on Jesus Christ and not what is around us.  As we worked through those steps throughout the conference, one of the last questions was what our "next step" would be.

For me, it is not a simple answer.  What I do know is I want to be dangerous.  I want to live with total abandonment for my faith and I want to live that faith loud. I have eternity in Heaven before me and a short time here on this earth.  I want to make a glorious ruckus for Christ while I'm here.  Since February 27, 2013, we have intentionally made the choice to glorify God in all our circumstances.  After Amanda died, some days, it is all I can do to simply take that next step.  On those days, I cling to the knowledge that His mercies are new and the day is full of grace.  Heaven is more real to me than it ever has been and I don't want to waste a single day with the time I have here on earth.  I want to run my race with all I have.

I don't know if I have mentioned this officially yet, but I am actively seeking publication for a book.  That is a much more complicated process than I realized and is a large time commitment.  At the same time that I have made that step, I have found God is bringing women into my life who have also lost a child.  I am realizing that sometimes, all we need is for someone to "get" what we are going through.  We crave for someone to say, "I really do understand."  I am not a counselor, but I know what it feels like to have a loved one die and how good it feels to talk and share that experience with the person across from me.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  

I pray that God will continue to open doors, and give me clarity, discernment and wisdom with each new step I take.

And for Him to make me dangerous.....

This picture just captured me tonight.  This girl has my heart.  I miss that smile so much.

Meet Jennie Allen!
What is your next step?

Psalm 63
You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.