I am a child of God. And if I keep that as my central focus, all the other questions, emptiness, heartbreak, uncertainties and insecurities don't stand a chance to defeat the work God is doing through our lives and whatever plans He has for us in the future.
Philippians 1:6
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
My mind constantly races - it is always thinking and it is never quiet. Working on learning to be still and quiet is something I find to be incredibly challenging, while at the same time incredibly rewarding. That is, for sure, an area that God is stretching me in. I find it challenging because when I slow down in life and allow myself to be still - it only makes Amanda's absence that much more magnified, that much more real; almost as if there is a neon sign that lowers in front of my face....shouting "She is gone!" in a glaring light of pain. Yet if I listen over the noise of my heartache, I hear God's solid, strong and peaceful voice reminding me that Amanda is not gone, she is His. And when I hold tight to that, and let the truth flow over me, my heart can be still.
Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Trouble? Yes, my daughter diagnosed with brain cancer was trouble.)
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
(Our lives were forever changed with that diagnosis.)
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
(17 months of intense battles with the ups and downs of treatment.)
though its waters roar and foam,
(Fear, anxiety, helplessness and heartache that overwhelmed.)
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
(the shock of losing Amanda so quickly.)
The scripture above so aptly fit how my life often feels....yet I am thankful for how chapter 46 ends, and that I can claim it boldly:
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
It's how I can get up in the morning, how I can face each day and how I can feel peace in times of pain.
Is life easy.
No.
Is life free of trials and tribulations?
No.
Does life make sense?
Not at all.
But I trust God.
But I trust God.
James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
The more time that passes, the more it sinks in that this is a life long journey - this thing called grief. It sneaks up on me when I'm having a good day (and those are coming more often) and some days it consumes my every breath. (and those days are still ever present)
So as life goes on, in the pain and in the joy, I continue to try to learn how to live in this new life that is mine. My sweet Amanda will always be remembered. She is loved and cherished and her amazing life has touched many. That is made evident to me every day in some way and I am incredibly thankful for that.
I love her so much.
My heart simply misses her in a way that will never heal. And if I'm honest, I don't want it to.
My heart simply misses her in a way that will never heal. And if I'm honest, I don't want it to.
1 Corinthians 13
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
THanks for sharing
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