Amanda has had a pretty rough week. Most of it was spent in bed and now she has somehow re injured her groin muscle that she aggravated some months ago. She was sick a few times this week at very odd times so I was never expecting it. She did have some times where she felt better and was able to get out of bed to watch Duck Dynasty with the family or play a couple hands of Nerds.
As I think about tomorrow, my mind goes back to where we were last year at this time. We were preparing to start round two of her chemo treatment on July 10. Her weight was a huge issue and we were unsuccessfully trying to put the pounds on her. (Still having issues with that right now!) That first cycle really threw us for a loop. The medication hit her and hit her hard. That was totally unexpected and we were totally unprepared. I can vividly remember those days because they were so intense and full of worry and concern.
At this time last year, the Cherry's were at Lawler for revival and we were able to make most of the services. This past week, the Cherry's were back for revival, but because of how Amanda felt, we were not able to make a single service. She was crushed. We all enjoy going back to Lawler for their Summer Revival, but this year it simply wasn't possible.
A portion of my post from last year:
When I start to feel overwhelmed of this battle, I love referencing the Old Testament scriptures such as Deuteronomy 20:3-4 that spoke to the Israelites about going into battle and the reminder it is to me of the powerful God we serve.
Today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not panic or be terrified by them. For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.
Speaking of facing the battle, I am so glad that I don't have to try and find the strength to face each day on my own power. I would fail miserably. Recently, I have needed to focus on these scriptures, and many more, as the feelings of frustration and helplessness often try to creep in and dominate my thoughts. I am thankful for His truth that I can lean on and trust in during those times.
Isaiah 40:30-31 beautifully reminds me where my strength is found.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint
Back to present day. Isn't it strange that those thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing a year ago have not really changed much? This sounds strange, but I think relating our lives to a hamster wheel is a great analogy. There are times I felt like we were simply repeating experiences over and over, but not really going anywhere. I was okay with that because we were fighting the cancer. Now that treatment is over, the wheel is gone and I'm a little lost on what to do next.
We won't be actively fighting this disease that we know is aggressive. Even though I struggled with not being able to "schedule" things, treatment still gave me stability in the fact that we were doing something. So as we go through these next two days, my prayer is that we will get clarity on where we go from here. In my picture perfect world, it would be that the cancer is gone and that it doesn't dare show it's face again. We don't live in a picture perfect world, so that might not be the case. But I am still going to pray for complete healing in my daughter's life.
I can honestly say, right now, I am peaceful about tomorrow and Tuesday, yet at the same time, panic is always at the edge. And yes, those two emotions are pretty crazy bumping against each other. The thing is, I am ready and excited about this week finally being here. I want to see how effective the last twelve months of treatment have been on the tumor and the other "area." At the same time, I realize that the news may not be what we want to hear....hence the panic threatening to come in. It is a comfort to know that God is in control and He already knows the outcome of this MRI. His plan is perfect and I can trust Him to equip me to face whatever may come.
So to close today's post, one more blast from the past that still applies today:
I have recently had several friends text me to see how I am doing and remind me they are praying for us. What an encouragement. I strongly believe, trust and rely on the power of prayer. I realize looking in on a situation like ours, it is often hard to know how to help, but never forget that first and foremost, the most important thing you can do for our family is pray for us.
As I look at all the various ways our family has been blessed during the past four months (today it is more like fifteen months!), it is my prayer that your actions and outpouring of love will impact someone. I hope it will cause someone to ask who this Savior is who gives us hope and peace during a time that could be dominated by fear and pain. What a wonderful thing it would be for something eternal to come from this journey - beauty from the ashes. As for our family, we are forever touched and blessed by how you continue to minister to us in so many ways. We appreciate it more than I can put into words.
Psalm 112:6-8
Surely the righteous will never be shaken;
they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear;
in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
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