Chemo may be done, but...

Tonight, my mind is racing in ten directions at once, so my apologies if this sounds jumbled and out of sorts....

I was asked today if the party is still on at our house.  The answer to that is yes and no.  While we are definitely grateful that Amanda has completed her twelfth out of twelve cycles of chemo, we are still technically in the treatment phase and that has hit home these past few days.  This week she continues to be very tired and physically weak.  Staying up and about is challenging for her because she has no energy.  This morning, she woke up and was sick first thing.  Today is WEDNESDAY! Her last chemo meds were taken Sunday night - I thought she was in the clear.   Like always, she was a trooper and had a great attitude despite the horrible start. 

The ups and downs of this week feel like they have been to the extreme.  I realize this may be a little exaggerated, but it feels like we are celebrating, then consoling, then back to celebrating and right back to consoling.  Amanda wants to be able to go places and do things but she physically can't do much. Thankfully, she knows and understands that she still has the completion of this cycle to deal with and it all the physical "yuck" it brings, but it doesn't always make things easier.  The one things that is for sure, these last three days have been a roller coaster of emotion for Amanda, and of course, I am right there alongside her. 

I almost find it comical at how sensitive I still am to any and all physical complaints from Amanda.  Anything that is different or new to me, I zone in on her.  She can read me so well that she will tell me - "Mom, I've felt this way this before."  Today we talked about platelet levels and transfusions, a rather interesting talk to have with your ten year old and one that I wish was never necessary.  We have often talked about where her white blood cell count is and if her body has the ability to fight viruses.  For the most part, she takes it all in stride when we limit her activities because of where her body is at that time.  She knows way more than she should for a kid her age. 

The one thing Amanda can do even when feeling weak is swim.  Being weightless is a good thing for her.  I love to see her in the water and swimming is a great "normal" thing for her to do.

The MRI at the end of June has become a huge wall in my mind.  Nothing gets past that.  For me, the focus on living in the day is laser sharp.  I still do my best to live one day at a time, enjoying that day as much as we possibly can, making beautiful memories and not sweating the small stuff.  The pictures below are of us enjoying the small things and making beautiful memories.

Despite where we are and what we have gone through with the unknown still before us, our family has so much to be thankful for.   Even with cancer, even with the emotions, fear and uncertainty that goes along with it, I can honestly say life is good.

I just heard the song below as I was typing this....it made me stop, close my eyes and sing along.  I'm so thankful for the foundation of faith that goes back to my childhood.  Both Thomas and I are blessed to have parents that raised us to love the Lord with all our hearts, with all our souls, with all our strength and with all our minds.  I can't imagine this life without the unending love of our Savior.

Thankful, blessed, and loved.


One Thing Remains
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains
 
Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me 

On and one and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains
In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love
My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love

Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me

Psalm 46:10

"Be still, and know that I am God.
    I will be exalted among the nations,    
 I will be exalted in the earth!”

A surprise visit from a few of her cousins on day one of cycle twelve!

Nothing can make you smile like a puppy...

..except maybe a baby deer!

And now, some more pictures from a swim. Fun in the pool for Team Watson

I love these two precious kiddos so much!

An underwater selfie! :)