Brokenhearted and wounded....

Psalm 147:1-5

Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. 

I have often heard "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." but it has never really been one of those verses that spoke to me. Until this weekend. 

Both of my boys were gone and I was spending a little quiet time alone, struggling with missing Amanda.  I was simply missing her companionship. Nothing particular that triggered it, unless you count the complete absence of her as a trigger, and I was really feeling low.  

So with my coffee and bible, I opened to the Psalms. Since I had no particular plan, I just started at the end of the book of Psalms, reading and thinking over the chapters as I went. I started at chapter 150 and when got to 147, I came to verse three and stopped. For the first time - it was as if God said, "Pay attention!"

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

I certainly get the brokenhearted part. That has always been the easy part to understand....but for some reason the "binds up their wounds" has just always slid past me. That day, however, it clicked. 

What happens when you don't properly bind a wound? Several things are possible:

• It could get infected. 

I could focus on anger, bitterness and blame God. 

• It could heal improperly.

I could stuff my grief and ignore it, only to have it surface in unhealthy ways. 

• A wound takes longer to heal when not properly taken care of. 

By not taking proper care of myself as I deal with the loss and death of Amanda, it impacts everyone around me. Biblical Counseling, quiet time, rest, surrounding myself with loving and supportive friends and family are some ways I continue to try and take care of myself. 

• The wound hurts more when not cared for properly. 

Trying to maneuver this thing called grief without trusting the sovereignty of God is inconceivable. 

• An uncared-for wound affects my entire being, both physically and mentally. 

If I am so overwhelmed with trying to care for myself by my own strength power, not only would I fail miserably, but how could I be of any help to my husband, son and others placed in my life?

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

I already comprehend and cling to the truth that God heals the brokenhearted, and now I am grateful for the understanding of how imperative it is that I allow God to bind up my wounds. 

“The only way,” replied George Mueller, a patriarch of faith, “to learn strong faith is to endure great trials. I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings.” This is very true. The time to trust is when all else fails. - A.B. Simpson, Streams in the Desert 

Losing Amanda feels like an amputation.  A part of me is gone, and I still find myself  looking for her.....often.  Only through His healing and "binding of my wounds" will I be able to make it through each day without her, for the rest of my life.  

God has time and time again proven faithful and good, and He continues to provide me opportunities to share that with others in the most unexpected ways.  

My wound is still deep and painful, but I know that I am in good hands.  God, without me even realizing it, has already started the process of binding my wounds and healing my heart.   

Oh how deep is the Father's love for us...

 
Ephesians 3:18-19
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Tom and I found some purple roses and couldn't help but take them to Amanda's grave.

Look what is growing right next to her grave.....grapevines.

With clusters of green grapes....

June 1 is Grammy and Grampy's anniversary, so we took a spring bouquet in memory of a beautiful marriage.  They were married in 1941.

And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:2-4 

My sweet babies....love remembering those days.