Amanda's Third Heaven Day and It Is Well

1 Peter 3:15
Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have….

Sunday, August 6, will be three years since Amanda died….her Heaven Day.  It is incredibly hard to wrap my mind around that fact, and I can’t decide if it is because it feels like so much longer, or just the opposite, that it is hard to realize it has been three years…

Let me start by catching you up on how we are doing. In a nut shell, we are doing very well!!  Brandon just turned 16 and is driving.  I could stop there because that makes me a little speechless.  Talk about an entire new season of parenting! He will be a sophomore at Grace Academy this year and continues to grow into an amazing young man. I am one proud momma! Did I mention he is driving?!  Tom is doing well, enjoying his job tremendously and staying busy on his days off. We will celebrate 20 years of marriage this fall and I am incredibly thankful and grateful for my husband. God has blessed our marriage and my sense of gratitude for my life is overwhelming.

As for me, I can say that I am in a better place today than I have been in a very long time.  I won’t go into great detail (shocker, right?!) but I will say that when I look back over the past year, it was a much needed retreat giving me time to rest, listen, be still and allow myself the time to heal.  God used this year to grow me in ways that have given me a deeper understanding and grasp of His goodness and grace.

Charles Swindoll wrote this in his book on Paul: “Suffering is not about identifying the cause; it is about focusing on the response.  I plead with you, don’t miss that!  It’s about willingly accepting God’s plan, no matter what the circumstance.  It’s about finding contentment in God’s grace, regardless…..Life is not about your being comfortable and happy and successful and pain free.  It’s about becoming the man or woman God called you to be.”

I find myself coming to this conclusion: Only in our personal relationship with Christ can we find such a profound mystery – to find yourself with peace and joy in your daily life, knowing that God is good and sovereign in all things, while at the same time knowing the depths of grief and sadness that comes with the death of a child.  They truly can go hand in hand.  The love of Christ should radically change how you live your life day in and day out and I have experienced that.  I’m thankful I am in a place today where I’d rather trust in His goodness than to wrestle with the questions we will never have answers to. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

I’ve been told that grief is a journey, not a destination; it is not something you get over, it is something you must go through.  Yet it is in this journey, if we allow God to use that time to grow us, we are molded, changed and shaped into a person with a stronger faith and understanding of our true purpose here – a life that glorifies God.

Now as we approach Amanda’s third Heaven Day, we remember her with a bittersweet joy.  We are thankful and grateful that we had her in our lives for 11 years, heartbroken over what we miss out on by her not being here and feeling incomplete without her presence.  And in spite of that, we are moved and full of joy by how her sweet life is still glorifying Christ. 

On the day that Amanda died, (click on this link to read our blog from that day) she gave us plenty of instructions on what to do.  In pure peace, she told us not to cry and be sad, because she was going to heaven.  She told us she wasn't afraid.  All during the time she was talking, she told us over and over that we shouldn't be sad but that we should be singing and rejoicing because that is what they were doing in Heaven. 

What a beautiful gift we were given on that day.  So, my friend, choose joy.  I share this next statement from experience, so please take it to heart and be prepared to remind yourself this daily, if not multiple times during the day.....If for some reason you find yourself in a place where it’s too hard to choose joy, keep fighting for it, look up and most of all trust in God…..His is working all things for good.

Romans 8:26-28
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 Even If, Mercy Me (if you have never heard this song and testimony, please take the time to listen!)

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I'm losing bad
I've stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it'll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can't

It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
 To move a mountain
 Well good thing
 A little faith is all I have, right now
 But God, when You choose
 To leave mountains unmovable
 Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
 It is well with my soul

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

You've been faithful, You've been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You're able
I know You can

 I know You're able and I know You can
 Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
 But even if You don't
 My hope is You alone
 I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
 Would all go away if You'd just say the word
 But even if You don't
 My hope is You alone

 It is well, with my soul
 It is well, it is well with my soul