I would be lying if I said today wasn't a painful day. When, as a mother, you have walked the path of watching one of your children die, there is nothing right about that experience. We all know that parents are not supposed to bury their children - it is not the way it is supposed to be. But what I do know, is that while it is not right and there is a hole in my life because of that child being gone, there is still much to be grateful for. I am grateful for the experience of being Amanda's mother. Amanda had an amazing attitude towards everything with a heart full of compassions and spirit. She was full of life, joy and had a smile that would light up a room. Somehow, even in the midst of the chemotherapy and radiation, Amanda still showed courage and spunk. She is still with us, both in our hearts, but also in our home and family. So much of what we do reminds us of her while we continue making wonderful memories, keeping her alive with us as we do. I am grateful for Brandon. This young man has seen more and lived through more than a child at 14 should, yet he remains grounded and such a joy to be with. He is all teenager, all boy, and all blessing. He has a the ability to read my moods and is not afraid to comfort me when I am hurting. As a family we are very close, and as we went through Amanda's diagnosis, treatment, death and the day to day healing and journey afterward, we are even closer than ever and have a incredibly special bond. I am grateful for Thomas, my husband, friend, and dad to our two beautiful children God blessed us with. The Godly wisdom, integrity and leadership he shepherds our family with is not only appreciated, but necessary as we face life and it's challenges. I am grateful for our mothers, who raised their family with Christ at the center and showed unconditional love, what it means to be wife, mother and friend, and how to weather life's storms through their own journeys'. They have been role models and I am
blessed to have them in my life
As today approached, I was emendated with all the posts of the different experiences women face on this day. Those who want to be mothers, those who are mothers, those who have lost mothers, those who have lost children.....the list goes on and on. What it reminded me is that no matter what, we can't compare our stories or how we each respond to our experiences. We each have our own burdens, heartbreaks, joys and desires. We are all unique - yet together we stand on even ground at the cross of Jesus Christ. So even though today will pass with tears and the pain of missing Amanda all the while feeling joy and pride while spending the day with Brandon, I can't help but focus on that feeling that I have much to be grateful for and acknowledge how God has filled my life with blessings. Thomas and I can have great peace and have eternal hope and joy because even though we no long have Amanda here with us, because of her personal relationship with Jesus Christ, we know she is spending eternity with Him. And that, my friends, means knowing my entire family will be together in glory. I can think of no greater joy a mother can know.
I had the incredible privilege to have lunch with another mother who has lost a child to cancer. During that time, I made a special friend. The journey, of being a mother who lost their child to cancer, while it is different for every family, still has so many of the same feelings and experiences that I walked away feeling like I had been given a gift. The bond parents who have lost children share is a heartbreaking one to celebrate, but it is also comforting to be able to share the pain and grief that many people just don't quiet understand, even when they are desperate to share in your journey. As we sat at a table over a meal, sharing tears and stories, I was thankful that our paths had crossed and we were able to take this time and relate as mothers missing our babies.
May is Brain Tumor Awareness month. According to the American Cancer Society, (www.cancer.org) brain and spinal cord tumors are the second most common cancers in children (after leukemia). They account for about 1 out of 4 childhood cancers. More than 4,000 central nervous system tumors are diagnosed each year in children and teens. The incidence rate (number of tumors per 100,000 children) has not changed much in recent years. The American Cancer Society’s estimates for brain and spinal cord tumors in the United States for 2015 include both adults and children.
- About 23,770 malignant tumors of the brain or spinal cord (13,350 in males and 10,420 in females) will be diagnosed. These numbers would be much higher if benign tumors were also included.
- About 16,050 people (9,440 males and 6,610 females) will die from brain and spinal cord tumors.
Overall, the chance that a person will develop a malignant tumor of the brain or spinal cord in his or her lifetime is less than 1% (about 1 in 140 for a man and 1 in 180 for a woman).Why even bring those statistics up? Because our family is not the only one that has been impacted by this disease; because more children are robbed of their childhood by a diagnosis and battle when they should be enjoying what we all consider "a normal" life; because families, siblings and friends experience the reality and pain of
this sinful world we live in while they cope with pain, loss and heartbreak of a loved one to this disease. And because my daughter is only one of many who fought the fight and finished her race strong despite her cancer.
So while May is extraordinarily busy (and painful!) with Mother's Day, end of school year activities and graduations, please let May also become a reminder of those who have, and are, bravely fighting cancer like our Amanda did.
Below is a link to an article Silver Lining Therapy wrote on Amanda. Amanda's JuJu, her physical therapist while at ROCK, is now working with Silver Lining Therapy. SLT offers animal assisted therapy for children and adults in a unique and motivating environment . I vividly remember talking with Judy and Amanda about involving other kids who were fighting cancer with what Amanda experienced each week with her Romeo by giving them a chance to spend a day with a horse. She was excited to be a part of sharing that unique, life changing relationship and I am incredibly proud and touched by how Judy continues to keep Amanda's legacy alive with her passion for improving the quality of life for each of her clients.
Our Amanda is never forgotten, and reading this story was one more way I am reminded I will never know the extent of how Amanda's life and story will touch lives here on this earth.
Grateful. Missing my daughter but loving my boy completely. Full of hope and joy. Blessed.
Silver Lining Therapy Blog:
May 2016 is Brain Tumor Action Month - We have been charged by a very special girl to do everything we can for families just like them.
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