Mother's Day, speaking engagements and needing my armor....

Faith is not believing in my own unshakable belief.  It is believing an unshakable God when everything in my trembles and quakes.

What a week.  Mother's Day was painful, yet I was still able to fill it with with new memories....my new life as I know it. 

Mother's Day, just one year ago...

Monday morning, (poor planning on my part with the emotional drain from Sunday) I had the privilege to speak at our Upper School Chapel at Grace Academy.  It was another opportunity to share how God has proved himself faithful over and over - even in the hardest of times......literally walking through the shadow of death and yet leading us to the other side where the clouds, at times, are beginning to clear....

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

I honestly don't remember what I said to the students, but what stands out in my memory is telling them that they were a huge part of my staying at work.  I want them to see that yes, while you may face horrific trials and tribulations in life, God's faithfulness and love is greater than any trial that may befall us.  It is possible to face the fire and the flood and still have the strength to praise God.  And I wanted them to see that God gives you the strength to face each new day with new mercies. That is, of course, paraphrased from what I shared - but if they got that general message, I am thankful. 

On Wednesday, I was asked to speak at a woman's bible study here in Georgetown.  It was a beautiful time of sharing Amanda's story, how God has carried us through the past two years and how He continues to hold me up as I walk this journey of life-long grief.  There happened to be another mother in the group that lost a son and soon to be daughter-in-law two years ago.  Listening to her as she shared her journey was an amazing experience for me.  While there is a bond that we both share as mothers losing a child, our stories are still very different, therefore our life lessons have been different.  I walked away blessed by her openness and willingness to share.  We both have the passion that our children will never be forgotten and that we are willing to share and talk about our child whenever possible. 

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Then on Thursday, I received a call asking me to share my testimony later this year.

I am incredibly blessed and excited by the opportunities for me to not only share Amanda's story, but more importantly share how God has been the Rock that we have stood on even when tested to our limits.  My prayers continue to be that we will merely be a vessel used to share the Gospel wherever God would allow.

"He delights in nothing more than our choice to believe him over what we see and feel."

As I've mentioned before, for me, talking about Amanda, and more importantly my personal relationship with Christ as we have faced the devastation of losing a child, helps me make sense of the past two years.  Sharing that with various groups has been a wonderful part of my healing process.  It's hard to explain, but when I stand before a group, and talk about Amanda, her life and faith, and the Almighty God that blessed our lives with her - it just feels right.

And of course, when you start to blaze a trail for God and put yourself out there, you had better be prepared for spiritual warfare that will try to stop you. Satan knows exactly where the chinks in our armor are and if you are not fully prepared (and even if you are!) he will do all he can to stop you. Let's just say that the chinks have been found a few times this week and have proven to be a little more challenging than I was ready for.  

Two devotionals by Beth Moore that I have at home have plenty to say about that as I spent some time being still really spoke to me.....all the quotes in the blog today are from "Praying God's Word Day by Day" and "Believing God Day by Day"

• "Trying to ignore Satan doesn't work for very long, especially if you're beginning to be a threat to his dark kingdom."
• "Don't think for a moment that Satan is going to slow down when he sees you in the way."
• "Your enemy is standing on your God-given ground daring you to take possession of it." 
• "You are the Great I AM. This is Your name forever! (Exodus 3:14-15). My enemy cannot begin to stand against You. 

So as I look at the opportunities that have come my way to share our story with more possibilities ahead, I shouldn't expect anything different than for things to come my way that make me want to pull back. Even knowing that fact doesn't make the attacks or challenges any less painful.  

I will never tire of saying this, I am so thankful for God's new mercies each and every day. 

Joy may seem to pause as grief takes its course, but those whose broken hearts are bound by Him will experience it again. Jesus, Lord and Savior, help me fight the good fight of faith, taking hold of the eternal life to which I was called when I made my good confession in the presence of witnesses. (1 Timothy 6:12)