Laundry, videos, and a very special sermon....

Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 

I'm not going to lie. It has been a hard week. After the Rock Ceremony, the emotional aftershock was so bad I went to bed for the long weekend.

My body just said, "Stop." 

That's a very strange feeling.  You aren't physically ill, but your emotions wipe you out so badly that your body responds the same. And I have learned you had better listen to your body or things will only get worse. 

At one point this week as I was doing laundry, I realized how much I miss doing loads of pinks and purples. It's those little things that sneak up and hit you hard. For some reason, that hurt so incredibly badly and the sadness overwhelmed.

Even after all this time, it is still so strange how as you find yourself going about daily chores, the pain can just come out of nowhere.  I don't mind the pain though.  In fact, it's those days when I go for some time without feeling the pain that stops me in my tracks.  That is one reason why I love all the pictures I took....

I enjoy watching the slideshows I have made, but I also love watching home videos....hearing her voice, seeing her mannerisms and body movements, remembering how it felt to hug and hold her - those memories come flooding back easier when watching videos. 

The slideshows bring back memories, but the videos bring back her.....and that allows the memories to come back in a whole new way.

And while the pain of missing her hasn't changed, God continues to bless me with giving me glimpses of how our precious daughter's story is continuing to touch lives. That helps me see the hurt be seen in a different light.

A few months ago, I received a card in the mail from one of our amazing team members during Amanda's treatment.  Cindy was Amanda's physical therapist and absolutely precious.  She worked with Amanda so well and was loving and patient on even the most brutal days.  Her letter was sweet to receive, and in that letter, she shared that on Easter Sunday, her pastor shared Amanda's story.  She attends Covenant Presbyterian Church in Austin. The sermon and how Amanda's story was shared was beautiful.

 I Have Seen The Lord - sermon by Jill Williams

When I received the card filled with encouragement and love from Cindy, it was as if God was reminding me again that this pain is not meaningless, it is doing something.  This side of heaven may be filled with heartache and longing for my daughter, but one day - one precious day when I get to Heaven, I will be able to see how God used Amanda's life and His story to change lives. 

So as I go through this day a little on the down side, I will remember that today, I live by faith.  And one sweet, glorious day, I too will live by sight......what a day that will be.

We spent a lot of time with Cindy and Jessica. These ladies made therapy fun....

 Did I mention fun?

I adore this picture!

Oh how my heart misses that sweet face....

2 Corinthians 4:17

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

Just Be Held

Just Be Held (click on the title to hear the song...)
Casting Crowns

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won't let go 

Rock Ceremony 2015

Have you ever found yourself obsessing about one thing in order to not think about the other? That was me last night as the time approached for the Rock Ceremony. We went out for dinner and I was absolutely positive we were not going to make it in time and we were going to walk up after it had already started.....it was just a cover act.  I wasn't allowing myself to actually think what was about to take place.

We arrived at the school and I did really well holding it together, until Dr. Diener prayed before dismissing us to go to the classrooms. And then I lost it.

It is so hard to believe that Amanda was with us at last year's Rock Ceremony.  Yet another painful first, but this made my pain feel so vulnerable and wide open as we participated with our school family.  No hiding, no avoiding people....this one I had to face, literally.

As we gathered in the classroom with the four other families, Tom was the last one to speak. Rather than me try to share what he said, I made a video. And please excuse the sniffling in the background....I couldn't help it.

2015 Rock Ceremony 

 

The outpouring of love and support from everyone in our Grace family last night was incredibly touching.  Our school family continues to stand beside us and walk along this painful path as we take each new step.  

1 Corinthians 12:24-28
 But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Brandon - 2015

Amanda - 2015

These two rocks were given to us by one of Amanda's classmates over the past year. Her sweet friends still love on us and I am incredibly thankful.

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Meet the newest addition to Team Watson

I know I just posted, but I wanted to introduce you to the newest member of the family.

If you remember a few months back, we lost our beloved dog, Bo Bear, that we got Amanda's Kindergarten year.

The day we brought him home.

Possibly my favorite picture of Bo and Ginger.

After we had to have him put him down, we told Brandon that as soon as he was ready for a new dog, we would get him one.  After spending Christmas Break with some of our family who had two Brittany dogs, Brandon decided that was the breed for him.  So after much research, Tom and Brandon found a breeder that they were impressed with who had a litter of pups due just in time for end of school with beautiful dogs that had great pedigrees.  

Saturday, we took a road trip to Frosty Meadows Kennels in Mt. Pleasant to pick up Brandon's new Brittany puppy that he has been patiently waiting on for months.  We now have a sweet little Brittany puppy named Annie. To say that Brandon is smitten with this new puppy is an understatement.   

Brandon's goal is to spend the summer working with the Annie, training her to be a gun dog.  That will be a wonderful project for him since this is our first summer without Amanda and I will be working.   

Ginger was very excited to meet Annie, although they spent the first evening just checking each other out and not really interacting much.  The next few days should be interesting as they work out territories and toys.  Today there has been a marked change in their playfulness and I think Ginger is happy to have another friend in the house.

A boy and his dog...is there anything sweeter?

Ginger and Annie are getting along great.  It is so cute to watch those two play together!  What is it about a puppy bark that just makes you laugh?

With our last week of school ahead of me, there are some major events coming up that are going to be extremely hard.  The Rock Ceremony, which we have participated in during the past two years of Amanda's fight with cancer is Thursday and that is going to possibly be the most difficult day for me this year.  Field Day is on Friday. We will not attend Field Day this year.  The memories of how hard Amanda worked to attend the past two years and participate with her classmates is still painfully fresh and too hard to face. 

My goal this week will be to focus on work and to make it through each day remembering to cherish who Amanda was and celebrate who she is. 

May 2013

Amanda would have loved another puppy in the house!

May 2014....how can this be just a year ago?

Mother's Day 2014

Romans 11:33-36

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
    or who has been his counselor?”

“Or who has given a gift to him
    that he might be repaid?”

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

Mother's Day, speaking engagements and needing my armor....

Faith is not believing in my own unshakable belief.  It is believing an unshakable God when everything in my trembles and quakes.

What a week.  Mother's Day was painful, yet I was still able to fill it with with new memories....my new life as I know it. 

Mother's Day, just one year ago...

Monday morning, (poor planning on my part with the emotional drain from Sunday) I had the privilege to speak at our Upper School Chapel at Grace Academy.  It was another opportunity to share how God has proved himself faithful over and over - even in the hardest of times......literally walking through the shadow of death and yet leading us to the other side where the clouds, at times, are beginning to clear....

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

I honestly don't remember what I said to the students, but what stands out in my memory is telling them that they were a huge part of my staying at work.  I want them to see that yes, while you may face horrific trials and tribulations in life, God's faithfulness and love is greater than any trial that may befall us.  It is possible to face the fire and the flood and still have the strength to praise God.  And I wanted them to see that God gives you the strength to face each new day with new mercies. That is, of course, paraphrased from what I shared - but if they got that general message, I am thankful. 

On Wednesday, I was asked to speak at a woman's bible study here in Georgetown.  It was a beautiful time of sharing Amanda's story, how God has carried us through the past two years and how He continues to hold me up as I walk this journey of life-long grief.  There happened to be another mother in the group that lost a son and soon to be daughter-in-law two years ago.  Listening to her as she shared her journey was an amazing experience for me.  While there is a bond that we both share as mothers losing a child, our stories are still very different, therefore our life lessons have been different.  I walked away blessed by her openness and willingness to share.  We both have the passion that our children will never be forgotten and that we are willing to share and talk about our child whenever possible. 

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Then on Thursday, I received a call asking me to share my testimony later this year.

I am incredibly blessed and excited by the opportunities for me to not only share Amanda's story, but more importantly share how God has been the Rock that we have stood on even when tested to our limits.  My prayers continue to be that we will merely be a vessel used to share the Gospel wherever God would allow.

"He delights in nothing more than our choice to believe him over what we see and feel."

As I've mentioned before, for me, talking about Amanda, and more importantly my personal relationship with Christ as we have faced the devastation of losing a child, helps me make sense of the past two years.  Sharing that with various groups has been a wonderful part of my healing process.  It's hard to explain, but when I stand before a group, and talk about Amanda, her life and faith, and the Almighty God that blessed our lives with her - it just feels right.

And of course, when you start to blaze a trail for God and put yourself out there, you had better be prepared for spiritual warfare that will try to stop you. Satan knows exactly where the chinks in our armor are and if you are not fully prepared (and even if you are!) he will do all he can to stop you. Let's just say that the chinks have been found a few times this week and have proven to be a little more challenging than I was ready for.  

Two devotionals by Beth Moore that I have at home have plenty to say about that as I spent some time being still really spoke to me.....all the quotes in the blog today are from "Praying God's Word Day by Day" and "Believing God Day by Day"

• "Trying to ignore Satan doesn't work for very long, especially if you're beginning to be a threat to his dark kingdom."
• "Don't think for a moment that Satan is going to slow down when he sees you in the way."
• "Your enemy is standing on your God-given ground daring you to take possession of it." 
• "You are the Great I AM. This is Your name forever! (Exodus 3:14-15). My enemy cannot begin to stand against You. 

So as I look at the opportunities that have come my way to share our story with more possibilities ahead, I shouldn't expect anything different than for things to come my way that make me want to pull back. Even knowing that fact doesn't make the attacks or challenges any less painful.  

I will never tire of saying this, I am so thankful for God's new mercies each and every day. 

Joy may seem to pause as grief takes its course, but those whose broken hearts are bound by Him will experience it again. Jesus, Lord and Savior, help me fight the good fight of faith, taking hold of the eternal life to which I was called when I made my good confession in the presence of witnesses. (1 Timothy 6:12)

The pain and the joy of Mother's Day

Another painful first.  Mother's day.  It's an odd feeling, because I still think of myself as the mother of two children.  I still say "the kids" and refer to my children in the plural form as I speak to others, even though I only have one child under my roof tonight.

For me personally, tomorrow will be a glaring reminder of my loss. Yet at the same time I still have an amazing son who loves his mom very much.  I am incredibly blessed to have him in my life.  Add to that wonderful picture a loving husband and I have much to be grateful for.

So instead of going on and on about my heartache and pain regarding tomorrow (cause it will be there in full force) and the painful awareness of the absence of my sweet red-headed girl, let's talk a short walk down memory lane and remember why tomorrow I can be thankful for the two most precious gifts in my life - my children.

If you see me tomorrow, sharing in my tears will be okay.  My heart will be missing Amanda and aching over the pain of losing her, but at the same time, I will celebrate the joy of being her mom. 

My beautiful mother.  I am incredibly blessed by her love and support every day.  I love you mom!

This boy....how overwhelmingly thankful I am to call him my son.

Today, as we celebrated Mother's Day with the Watson side, I was able to spend some much cherished time with December baby.  My how Leah has grown....she is so beautiful.

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.